Day #33 Our first bath + Baby shower = great day!!

Taking care of my monkey


Opening presents

Cake topper

Winney the Pooh cake

Daddy cuddling Trey

Smile for the camera

Tiny hands

Today was the baby shower and it was great. I loved being able to spend time with my friends and family celebrating my son. Chris made a slide show CD with music and everything. Every time I watch it I cry. I told him that he is now obligated to make a CD for every baby we have. My MIL and SIL hosted the party and found the cutest cupcake cake. Of course, the theme was Winnie the Pooh and so was the cake. I really can't thank everyone enough for coming and supporting our family.

After the shower, we went to the hospital. When we got there they let us know that they cut Trey's O2 back to 3liters. I already knew that from speaking with the doctor earlier but seeing the number on the O2 meter makes me nervous. I am always afraid of pushing him to hard to fast but I have to have more faith in him and the doctors. So, the nurse asked us if had given him a bath and we had not so GUESS WHAT!!! We finally got to give him our first bath. He didn't like it very much but...I did!!! Then we weighed him and GUESS WHAT!!! he is over 4lbs now...to be exact 4lbs 1oz Whoot!!! He is doing so well, gaining weight all the time moving down on his O2. Everything in the right direction.

So, I am exhausted but this day has been wonderful. I am so blessed and very grateful for every good day, hour, minuet and second.

Day #32 Shower tomorrow

The shower is tomorrow and as of right now I am exhausted. I hope that I will wake up with a ton of energy. I guess that I am having a touch of PPD (postpartum depression) I feel frustrated, tired, wore out, sad, and BBLLAAHH!!! I just want to sleep, sleep and oh did I say sleep. Okay, that is exactly what I am going to do...I am going to bed and hopefully, I will wake up renewed and refreshed. BTW, Trey is doing great as usual. The are referring to him as a "feeder and grower" Basically, that means what it says. That all they are really doing is feeding him and watching him grow..Besides the O2 they aren't doing much else. Oh, I got this from a friend and it speak volumes of what it is to be a preemie mom.

You know you're a preemie parent when...
If this list looks familiar, you might be a parent of a preemie baby! We have to laugh about it to keep our sanity! :)

You know you're a preemie parent when...

*You measure everything in ML's and grams

*You can change your baby's diaper with one hand

*In the course of the same day, you have wanted to slap and bear hug the same NICU nurse

*You have gotten a rash on your hands from washing with hot water and the NICU soap... eight times in one day

*Your baby has ever outgrown an outfit... while s/he was wearing it.

*You could drive the route from your house to the hospital in your sleep... and maybe you have.

*You can't remember what you talked about before feeding schedules, diapers, and growth charts.

*You're more interested in your baby's diaper than the State of the Union

*When someone offers you their hand to shake, you think twice, envisioning the germs that you might take home from them

*The sound of your baby crying is beautiful, not annoying.

*While everyone else coos, "He's so tiny!" their six-pound baby looks huge to you.

*Your heart almost bursts with love at least once a day

*You not only know what "bilirubin" is, you have had several extensive conversations about it.

*You never knew how grateful you could feel that your baby has gained an ounce.

*You know where all the vending machines are on your floor of the hospital... and which ones have the good snacks.

*The security guard at the front door of the hospital just waves you in when he sees you.

*You are grateful for the smallest things now -- a shower, clean socks, a meal that you didn't have to cook, a friend who has a whole conversation with you without offering you any useless advice.

*When someone asks you what scent you're wearing, you say "Germ-X" without batting an eye.

*Your baby's first diaper is really a maxipad that says Pampers and has tiny tabs on it.

*The first time you changed your baby's diaper you had to wonder where his butt was.

Day #31

Not much has happened today, Trey is down to 4l on his O2 and that is a big step in the right direction. The shower is on Sunday but over all; I am Blllaahhhh right now. Tired and wore out. So, this is all for tonight.

Day #30 1 month old TODAY!!!

I can't believe that our little monkey is a whole month old...Awww = )

All is the same with him except that the doctors are doing their monthly rotation. Of course that is bothering me much more then Trey (haha). Tomorrow I plan on getting to the NICU before rounds so that I can meet the new doctor and speak with him or her. I want to make sure we are all on the same page. So, anywhoo....that is all for tonight.

Day #29 We are on the World Wide Web tomorrow!!!

Today I was a mess. For some reason and to be honest I can't even tell you why. The doctor called to tell me that Trey was doing well and they were going to start backing down his 02. You think I would have been happy but I was scared. I told him that it made me nervous that his A&B's had nearly stopped and I was afraid that this would make them start again. He just reassured me that it had to be done and he will tell us if he isn't ready. I just want him to be okay...all the time. The ups and downs have to wear on him and if not they are wearing on me. So, needless to say my mood wasn't that great. Once we got to the NICU I instantly felt better. I picked Trey up and just hugged him and kissed him. Then I felt better.

He was wide awake when we arrived at the NICU tonight. He just looked at Chris and I with those big beautiful eyes. We just sat there and studied him and his facial expression. Believe it or not babies do have personalities. I wouldn't have thought so but they do. And of course, he is doing just well as usual.

Tomorrow, http://www.thebump.com/ will be featuring our birth story with pictures. This is a very big deal in the world of mom's the bump is the meeting place for millions of mommies and TTC'ers (trying to conceive). It is an honor that they want to feature our story so , please check it out.

Day #28 Four weeks old!!! I can't believe it =)

Today, our little monkey is 4weeks old...WOW, I just can't believe it. Four weeks ago I would have told you that time was going to go by like molasses and I did know how I was going to make it. To tell you the truth time has flew by. This has been one of the hardest time of my life. Even more difficult then the car accident, believe it or not. All that considered, just looking at Trey makes all my worry and concern go away. I mean, of course I would love for this to been under better circumstances but it is what it is and every moment I get to spend with my son is just perfect. He is doing really well...He is on his last rounds of antibiotics. His A&B episodes have practically stopped. The doctors are talking about weaning him from the O2 soon and that means I will get to bottle feed him and start working on breastfeeding. YEAH!!!


This month has been full of ups and downs. Having a preemie is difficult emotionally and physically. I worry all the time, I barely sleep. I often forget to even eat. Sometimes, I feel like this situation has made me stronger sometimes it makes me weak. Chris and I are living this moment by moment and day by day. Sometimes, we are rocks for each other other times we couldn't be weaker. But, ya know...this is our crazy life and I couldn't love it more. Ups and downs good and bad I have a beautiful son and wonderful husband and I wouldn't change my life for anything.

Day #27 We're ready when you are!!

So, I had the urge to make sure the nursery was in working order. I guess that even though Trey came early I am still nesting :) So, anywhoo. All I have left is some organizers for the changing table, pictures to put on the wall and some Pooh wall decals.... and oh yeah!!! A baby LOL. We are ready when you are Trey!!!

Here are some pictures

Day #26 Busy Busy Memorial Day Weekend

Chris and I have been very busy this weekend. We have almost finished Trey's nursery. Today, we put up some shelves and a baby gate to keep the cat out...haha...She hates it. :) I can't wait till it is done. I will post pictures shortly. I can't wait to bring Trey home and place him in his crib and change his first diaper at home.

So, Trey is still gaining weight. His A&B episodes picked up over night and the doctors are trying to figure out why. We definitely believe that he had developed some acid reflux and that will cause pauses in breathing and heart rate as we all have felt at one time or another. They won't put him on meds for the reflux until it is really bad because it can affect his digestion. They also did another CBC on him to make sure the A &B's weren't from an infection but I thought that was stupid he has been on antibiotics for 4 days now. So, of course the CBC came back fine. They did a chest xray to see if his lungs might have collapsed in any spot which can sometimes happen if the babies need to be back on CPAP. That also came back fine. Then they decided to check to make sure he hasn't outgrown his caffeine dose. So, they decided to increase it seeing that he has grown so much in the last week. So far that seems to have helped. Really, to be honest they think that the A&B's are just due to immaturity and that he will outgrow it shortly. So, if they can keep the frequency to a minimum for now in time they will stop all together. Not much else is going on just getting the nursery together and holding my baby anytime I want :)

Day #25

Today was pretty uneventful, AWESOME!!! Trey is still gaining weight like a champ but not much info or updates...We are finishing up the nursery this weekend and that is super exciting but more on that later....Here are some cute pictures I took today

Day #24 BIG leaps forward

First outfit...Awwww

"Property of Mom Forever"

Daddies watchful eye

Yeah, open air crib

Well, as you know Trey is out of the isolett and into an open air crib. Today, when we weighed him he FINALLY hit the 1500 gram mark YEEESSS :) to be exact he is now 1503grams. For those of us who do things the good ol' American way that is 5lbs 3oz. The spot on his head is practically gone, he is maintaining his temp and 02. The other big milestone was dressing him in clothes for the first time. I mean he was in a onesie last night but we put him in clothes that we got for him. I don't know how much he likes it...but I LOVE IT!!! I finally feel like a mother. Not much has really changed except how I feel. I just love the fact that I can hold my baby any time I want now. I can't tell you how good that feels. I just stand next to his crib and rub him and stare at him and kiss him. So, these pictures are of him in the open aircrib for the first time and of him in his first official outfit.

Day #23 The rollercoaster ups and downs of the NICU

This morning was so emotional for me. The news of starting Trey on antibiotics for the MRSA and a blood infusion for anemia had my mind reeling for the better part of the day. I felt like the air had been let out of my sails. When I arrived at the hospital and saw they once again had my baby hooked up to and IV I thought. Great the roller coaster had begun and here is our first drop. I quickly tried to find the positive side. Okay, lets see...he is getting IV antibiotics, but it is pre-emptive. He is currently asymptomatic. The meds are preventing any(if any) infections and they are treating the MRSA. Alright, the blood...he is getting blood but it will make him feel much better. I know how much better I felt after I received my infusion when I was in the hospital plus usually getting blood will help stop the bradies he had been getting. His color had already improved just 30 minutes into the infusion. I knew from this morning that it was going to be a long day for me and at 6:30pm after 4 hours just staring at him I drove home hoping that I would be able to relax.To no surprise by 10am I needed to see him again. Chris knew that I just needed to see him and told me to be careful and off I went. I imagined what I would see when I arrived tonight driving back to the NICU for the second time today.

I walked through the NICU doors and Tracy one of my favorite nurses saw me. She said she had a surprise for me and I followed her. Cautiously, I rounded the door to D pod and to my gleeful surprise Trey was out of the isolett and in a bed. I screamed and hugged the air right out of her and ran to my little monkey. I picked up my phone and called Chris to share the happy news.

The nurses and doctors weren't kidding when they told me the NICU a roller coaster from day to day and minute to minute. Today I dropped as far as I thought I could and then jumped higher then I imagined. Now, I am aware that if his temperature cools down he might go back into the isolett but right now, watching him sleep looking more like a healthy baby then a museum piece behind glass...this moment is...well...To be honest I even have words for it. All I really can say is thank you God for answering my quite prayer I had said only hours before while holding my son's hand.

Tomorrow, I get to bring him some clothes to wear and I can't wait for Chris and I to dress our son for the first time.

Day #22 Uggg MRSA

I called the NICU this morning to check on Trey and the doctor instead of the nurse go on the phone. I knew something was up because this is not the norm for me calling in. I always speak to the nurses. So, she said to me well remember that MRSA. Trey has a spot on his temple that showed up. At first, I said should I be freaking out and of course she said no. He isn't having any recordable A & B's and he isn't running a fever. The spot on his temple is about the size of a small pencil eraser. It looks like a round spot with some puss in it. She then explained to me that they were putting topical antibiotics on it for now and unless it doesn't go away in a few days on it's own they wouldn't do anything else. Now, if it doesn't go away they will put him on some IV antibiotics like vancomycin. I just want it to go away but believe it or not there is a silver lining to the rain cloud. The silver lining is called HFNC AKA High Flow Nasal Cannula. What this means is because the spot on his head is near his temple they don't want him to wear a hat. If he can't wear a hat he can't be on CPAP because it straps to his head and it needs a barrier, that being the hat. The respiratory doctors reassessed his breathing and decided that he currently doesn't need CPAP and stepped him down to a HFNC. It just looks like the regular nasal cannula. This is a big step forward for him in regards to his respiratory condition. They also increased his feeds to 29mls every 3 hours and he is tolerating them just fine. So, that is where we are today... Big steps forward small step back....sort of

Day #21 3 weeks old YEAH!!!

So sleepy, sucking on fingers

3 weeks old today

No CPAP!!!

Love at first sight

That ring fit on his wrist 3 weeks ago

Today has been an AWESOME, FABULOUS, BLESSES day...Okay, if you can't tell. I am having a great day. Blame it on the wonderful weather or the fact I went shopping today, what ever, it doesn't matter. I have just had the first good day I have had in over a month. I decided that I have to give up the hope that my old pre-pregnancy shirts would fit me due to the bowling balls I am caring around on my chest. Thanks to breast feeding :) So, I went shopping...OH YEAH!!! Retail therapy is great. The weather was perfect and Trey is doing great. The doctor called today and they increased his feeds again. Now is up to 19mls. Once he gets to 20mls they will space his feed from every 2-3 hours. He is gaining weight really well and he did great on his first windowing. They decided to do it for 1-2 hours from 8-10am and 8-10pm but if he seems tired or irritated they will cut it short and try again the next secession. The second time they windowed him he only did and hour and a half instead of two hours but that is still great. Tonight, they windowed him while Chris and I were there and we got to hold him for over one hour. It was great to hold him without the CPAP and....he did great...rock steady heart rate and RR and O2 saturation. I am so proud of him. Also, for the first time one of his grandma's got to hold him. I can't wait till my mom can hold him. I am sure I will cry my eyes out. Anyhoo, here is to this great day and praying for the next.

Day #20 YES!!! 3lbs

Deep in thought


Checking out Daddy

Loves his nuk

So, I forgot to post this yesterday but Trey is finally at the 3lb mark. It may not seem like alot but it is for a preemie. This is a major milestone for him. Oh, and today they are going to start windowing him again...I hope it all goes well and they can get him off CPAP soon. He hates that darn thing and it is making his little nose so sore. Plus, he is getting indents in his head from it. I know they will go away but it can't be comforatable.

****So, they did his windowing for 2 hours today and he did great...Were there any doubts? LOL. They increased his food from 17mls to 18mls and he is now a heafty 1426grams. Which puts him even closer to the 1500 mark. When he gets there his will be better at maintaining his own tempuature and they will probley let him out of the isolett. Now that he is 30weeks he has become so much more alert...he just stares at us it is the cutest thing.

Day #19 Our Delivery Story

******I posted this on a website that I am apart of called Cafemom's the day after I came home from the hospital...I thought that those of you who didn't know would like to know our delivery story...Enjoy******

Friday I was on my way to school like every other day. In the thick of rush hour traffic I got really light headed and I felt one really sharp pain low in my groin. I pulled over on the median and waited for the light headedness to pass. I assumed the low pain was round ligament pain. The light headedness gave way to a cold sweat and labored breathing. So, I decided to call 911. As I heard the ambulance, firetruck and police car coming Isaid to the 911 operator "these people are going to be PISSES...traffic already sucks today" we both laughed and I hung up. They put me in the ambulance and I was off to the hospital. I fully expected them to tell me to eat something and send me on my way. The doctor had me hooked up to a fetal monitor as I described to him what happened. He very quickly became disinterested and asked me if I was feeling the contractions. "yes, of course" I said " I have been having those since I was 17weeks" I explained to him that I thought I was having braxton hick contractions because they weren't painful. I would just get this really tight feeling and it would go away. Sometime, they were so bad I couldn't move but not the painful, earth shattering contractions I thought I would get in real labor. I also, told him they happened 8-10 times an hour. The next thing I knew they were hoisting me up in to the examining chair to check me out. The doctor looked at the nurse and said "yep, she is 1cm" to my surprise. I then asked "well, is that normal" and of co uses they said no. They gave me a shot to stop the contraction and gave me some medicine. It worked. So, they send me home and told me to rest. Saturday the contractions came back, so they increased the medication. Sunday, they came back again and asked me to come into the hospital.

When I got to the hospital they gave me another shot. This time it dropped my BP to 50/30 and I really thought I was going to die. They decided to set me in a L&D room. Around 12am the contractions had not stopped and the nurse came in with a sad look on her face and an IV bag in toe. UGGGG magnesium sulfate. They hooked me up to the mag and the side effect came quick. Hot flashes, dizziness, nausea, head ache, vomiting. Around 4am the doctor came in and explained that I was in real danger of delivering and at 26wks 1day the baby needed a level III NICU. So, off I went to UC by ambulance at 4am.

10days ago, I was admitted to UC hospital with contractions. I was 1 cent dilated when I got there. They left me on the Mag for 24 hours. I have never felt that sick ever in my life but I knew it was for the good of my baby. I was hooked up for a FNST everyday. Several time for more then 24 hours. I was rushed to L&D a couple of time for false alarms when the baby's heart rate would drop. My contractions never really stopped but they still weren't painful. At some point I went from 1cm to 3cm. Tuesday, I woke up and felt fine. Took a shower, ate breakfast and at 10am I got hooked up to do a NST and at 10:15am the nurse came in and said how do those contractions feel they are coming every 1 1/2 minutes...I told her that they felt different the ones I was having before. Then all of a sudden they became pretty intense...They paged the doctor...It took him 30 min to get to my room because he was delivering another baby. We had developed a pretty good doctor patient relationship so....I cussed him out for taking so long LOL. He said you are fully dilated. and your bag is bulging, so it had not broken yet. I immediately called my husband and told him to drive as fast as he could to the the hospital. They rushed me over to L&D and assembled the team of peds doctors...Now, if there are any light hearted moments to this story this is where it happens.....I asked the doctors if I could get any pains meds and they said... "well, you are to far at this point and we don't want to make the baby sleepy" of course I agreed and for those that know me well, also know that I joke around and deflect alot when I am freaking out. So I decided that it was time to focus and something else....the nurses and I started talking about scrapbooking and how crazy this whole thing was and how fast I dilated. The doctors said to me " do you even realized you are fully dilated, wow you are handling this really well" Then the doctor said "well, we need you to push on the next contraction" My husband had not yet gotten there so my response to that was " It is my vagina and you can't make me" He didn't know what to say...and the room bust out in laughter...So, then the doctor was starring at the monitor and I said "stop being a doctor for just a couple of minutes, the baby is fine and we can wait"..I called my husband and directed him to the valet parking so he could get in faster and 2 minutes later he came though the door...They rushed him by my side and all 20 people in the room gazed at my vagina they said give us one good push on the next contraction and I did....well, my water broke but it shot across the room and spayed the ceiling, wall and all 15 people in front of me...Me and everyone else broke out in laughter in the room....I couldn't stop laughing. They checked me again and said well you are 6 cent this will be 2,3, or 4 hours...So,the nurse and I discussed weather or not to to get an epidural and ushered out the pieds dept...All of a sudden I felt a drop in my bottom and I said I have to push NOW!!! They asked me to wait and I said I can't 2 good pushes later and Christopher Carl Schaefer III (trey) was brought in to the world... I looked down to see him and thought he is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. The sound of his little cry filled the worry in my mind and heart with more love then I have ever felt in my life...I can't even describe it....They rushed him over to the pieds and then brought him to me...I briefly held him and a tear ran down my cheek. They took him to the NICU I felt scared and I wanted him close to me but I know his is in the best place he can be... Born at 12:40 4/28/09 2 lbs 10 Oz 15 in long...he is large for a 27 wk 3 day baby but still has a long way to go...My milk or colostrum came in not 1 hour after he was born which is very unusually for a preemie delivery. I guess my body knew best. We have no idea why I went in to PTL but I have to believe that everything happens for a reason and Trey will be just fine.

Day #18 We are over the 1300gram mark :)

So, I am becoming weight obsessed. I know that Trey's weight is very important in his development and his overall improvement. So anyhoo, it is what the nurses, doctors and my therapist call "weight obsessed". I am there without fail everyday at his weigh in. Tonight, just like every other night I help my breath and prayed for a gain...and guess what...he weighted 1337grams. I am so proud of him. Now, if we can keep up this weight gain day to day it will be no time until he is at 1500grams and can consistently maintain his body temp. Trey's apnea episodes have started to slow down, thank God. He is still have brady episodes but they are a prematurity issue and he will grow out of them or so I am told. I do think they will want to give him a blood transfusion but I am okay with that. I know that it will make him feel much better and that is much better then antibiotics.

Chris and I went and bought the letters for Trey's wall in his nursery to spell out his name "CHRISTOPHER" and I am so excited to put them up. The little things like washing his clothes or organizing his nursery really help to make me feel like a mom. I still can't wait to have him home but the little milestones like getting to a certain weight, looking forward to windowing or bottle feeding helps make this journey look a little shorter.

Day #17

This has been a really good day. My girl friend came and visited me for awhile today and I can't thank her enough. I really needed the "girl time". I also spent most of the day sleeping...well, let me restate that. I still go up every three hours to pump but I decided I wasn't getting out of bed until noon. I feel very refreshed. I really needed the rest. I went and checked the mail today and to my surprise there was a large envelope from my English instructor. At first I thought that she might have sent me back some work I had turned into her. I opened it up and there was a card for Trey signed by my entire class and a pop up book. It really touched me that they went though the trouble to do something so nice. As I read the congrats and well wishes I thought to myself how lucky I was to have such support and people praying for our little monkey. BTW, I have taken to calling him little monkey because his arms are longer then he is tall...LOL.

The doctors call everyday around 10am or 11am and today wasn't any different. I really like getting the daily updates from the doctors. It helps keep me informed and they really make me feel like I am part of the process in decision making. So, today they let me know that they had decided to increase Trey's caffeine. His A&B episodes haven't stopped but they haven't increased. The increase in caffeine seems to have decreased the A&B episodes. If they don't stop they will have to start doing some different things. Basically, that mean because they don't know why they haven't stopped they have to treat anything that could cause them. 1st,Trey is slightly anemic. This is not uncommon for preemies but this would require a blood transfusion and that would be the first thing they do...if needed. The last thing would be to start him on some antibiotics in the event that he might have an infection that isn't being picked up. The antibiotics have some side effects. The most problematic is hearing loss. I told the doctor that the antibiotics would need to be a last resort and I want to know the statistics on hearing loss for preemies that are given the antibiotic.

Trey is still gaining weight and his feeds have been increased from 16mls every 2 hours to 17mls every 2 hours. Once he reaches the maximum of 20mls his feeds will go from every 2 hours to every 3.

Day #16

Today has been pretty hard for me. I miss Trey more and more as the days go by. I know that he will be home before we know it but that thought seems to do little to pick up my mood right now. When I see other women who are pregnant it just sinks my heart. It makes me think about how my baby in the hospital but he should be here with me right now, still growing inside of me. It is even worse when I see women with their healthy babies. I know that this experience will make me a better mother and wife in the long run but I really wished for a healthy pregnancy that ended in a healthy full term baby. I guess I just feel like Chris and I have been though so much already that we deserved to have a blissful experience of pregnancy and parenthood. I really tried to do everything "right" during this pregnancy. I took prenatal vitamins for 4 months before we conceived. I ate right. Kept my stress down. Never missed a prenatal appointment. In spite of all that I still find someway to blame myself for Trey's early entry and rough start. Did I physically push myself to hard sometimes? Should I not have taken the antibiotics the doctor gave me when I got sick? Did the car accident and my hips have anything to do with it? What did I do wrong? Sometimes, I feel like I already have failed as a mother. Breastfeeding is the one thing that helps me to feel like I am doing something positive for Trey. I know that I am providing him the only thing I can right now, nourishment.

Today was good at the hospital. Trey is still gaining weight and tolerating his feeds just fine. The doctors seem slightly concerned about his A&B episodes. They haven't picked up but they haven't dropped off. They decided to do a CBC to check for any infections and of course the CBC came back just fine. They decided to increase his caffeine. The nurses and I are defiantly not concerned with the A&B's he is having. They are not increasing and for the most part he pulls himself out of them.

Trey has started smiling and I have to tell you it is the cutest thing. I know that he isn't smiling with intent but it is still beyond cute. Chris and I can also tell when he is pooping and I can tell the difference between a hungry cry,mad cry or console me cry. It is the craziest thing to me to be able to know what he wants. I feel like I learned another language the second he was born and I heard him cry for the first time. I can hear his cry from across a room. I must say it is slightly irritating not to be able to just give him what he wants but I know that when he gets home this will be very useful and once he is out of the isolett I will be able to do more for him.

Day #15 Finally,gaining weight!!!

Today, was more of the same. Not much has changed and that is defiantly a good thing. One thing that has changed is Trey's weight. Tonight, I practly was holding my breath while they weighed him. Weight is an extremely important factor in Trey's health right now. Losing weight means that he is burning to many calories to allow growth and we need him to grow. The nurses over the past few days have made several comment about how he looks bigger but it is hard for me to see because I see him every day. Today, I did notice that his legs weren't so scrawny and his little belly is much rounder. His face is also starting to plump up. So, Chris held him while they zeroed the scale on his isolett. He gingerly set Trey down and I said a silent prayer. Then the nurse happily announced. He gained 22 grams. That means he is up to a hefty 1224 grams. Naturally we were very proud and began to congratulate Trey and his weight gain.

Chris and I both are beyond wore out. The days are just kind of running together. I get up every 3-4 hours to pump. Chris gets up at 6am to go to work. He gets home at around 5pm and then we head to the hospital. We stay there until 8:45 or 9pm, sometimes it might be later. It just depends on how long it takes to do his nightly care. Then we drive home, usually arriving at 9:30pm. We try to eat and relax a little and then Chris goes to bed. I usually stay up because of my pumping schedule. There is no point in me going to bed at 11pm and getting up in an hour and a half to pump again. I call the NICU at 12:30 or 1 am then go to bed to get up again around 3-4 to pump again. As exhausting as this all is, the constant schedule of thing to do makes the days run together and helps pass the days. Also, looking at this situation from a milestone stand helps. Instead of saying, he will be home in 6-10 weeks it is much easier to say at 1500 grams he will be out of the isolett or in 3 weeks he will be able to start bottle feeding or on Monday we will be attempting to window him again. The little milestones help make the whole situation more bearable and less daunting.

2 week old picts

Day #14 2 Weeks old today

YEAH!!!! we made it Trey is 2 weeks old today. I can't tell you how excited I am that we have made it this far. Trey's gestational age is 29 weeks 3 days. This is very important for several reasons. The first being that several milestones he still has to cross come at certain gestational weeks. For example, the suck swallow breath reflex comes between 30-33 gestational weeks. There are other milestone will be weight at 1500 grams most babies can regulate their temperature.

Today, Chris was out of town for work so his mom came over and took me to the hospital. I know Chris felt bad this was his first time way from me or the baby since all this started. When I got to the hospital the nurse asked me if I wanted to do skin-to-skin with Trey. She thought that he really needed it...Truth be told...so did I. She told me that mothers have an innate ability to regulate there temperature to the baby. So, if he needs to be warmer then my body will warm up and the same goes for if he needs to be cooler. So, I got to hold him for an entire hour. I love feeling him breath and coo next to my skin. I love the way he smells and the feeling of his soft skin. Believe it or not his poo smell doesn't even bother me. So, here are some pictures of our 2week milestone. Oh, and some pictures of him snuggling with his Angel blanket. Chris and I both have one we sleep with it for 3-4 days and then put it in his isolett so that he can feel like we are always with him.

Day #13 Holy weight gain NICU nurse!

So not much has changed in Trey's status. He is still doing very well. The doctors are still giving him a little rest from the windowing but I have to tell you how much he hates the CPAP. See, the CPAP is held on to him with a head strap and it has prongs that go into his little nose, also it is pretty heavy. CPAP weights 22grams. Sometimes the CPAP will break down the nose because preemies have such under developed skin. Trey is not having a break down problem but we (the nurses, Chris and I) feel that the CPAP is starting to make him uncomfortable. Either it is bothering his nose or his head or both. So, Trey decided that he will occasionally window himself by pulling the CPAP off of his face. Hopefully, they will start windowing him again soon to give him a break from the CPAP before he figures out a way to throw it out of his isolett. Trey did gain quite a bit of weight going from 1196grams to 1249grams. At first, we thought that it was a mistake so he was re-weighed 3 times. Each time we got the same number. Also, this is great news...the abrasion that he had on his left arm looked like it was getting infected. The nurses removed the plastic that was covering it and began to take a sample of it. Once they wiped it all the puss came off and underneath was healthy skin. It doesn't even look like anything at all but the test came back that it was positive for MRSA. MRSA is a type of staf that is on everyones body naturally. The difference is that MRSA is very resistant to antibiotics. So, if someone gets MRSA it can grow out of control and cause infections and it is hard to treat. The positive part about this is that Trey must have a great imune system because by the time they cleaned it and sent out the lab work for it his little body faught it off and now it just looks like a patch of dry skin...The doctors are unconcerned about it..Wheew

So, Chris and I decided that due to the weight loss that we would not do kangaroo care (holding him out of his isolett) for a few days. As much as it really sucks, we know that we will have plenty of time to hold him when he is bigger...He really needs time to grow and believe it or not he burns alot of calories just getting weighed and the regular stuff let alone coming out of the isolett and maintaining his own body temp. So, we really like helping them do the day to day care when we are there. At eight o'clock, he gets fed, weighed, diaper change, new bedding and stuff like that. Today, Chris was holding Trey while they were weighing him or something and he was so awake and alert. Very different from his usually sleepy behavior. Trey just starred at Chris. Perfectly focusing on every move Chris made. It was surreal. Oh, this is funny....So, Chris was changing Trey's diaper and while he was putting the clean diaper on, Trey had some projectile poop..Chris jumped back as if it was a bomb...It was the funniest thing I have every seen.

BTW...here is a picture of the CPAP...see why it is so uncomfortable

Pictures

Mommies little angel

All that hair

Holding Trey for the first time

Day #12

So, Trey has gained 10 grams he is back to 1196. I am so glad that he gained. Two straight days of loss was kinda starting to worry me. We decided that between the windowing and us holding him every chance we get was causing him to burn to many calories so we decided not to hold him for afew days. Tomorrow they will talk about windowing him again. They wanted to give him a few days to rest.

Day #10 &11

Not much has changed. They are giving Trey a break yesterday, today and tomorrow from the nasal cannula and letting him rest..It seemed like it wearing him out a little to much. He has lost 20 grams of weight over the last two days but they tell me it is nothing to worry about...So, I won't...YEah right LOL. Anywho, that is all for now.

Day #9 Pick line out

So, not much has changed today. which is GREAT!!! Except they took out his Pick line. He looks so much better now that he doesn't have any IV's coming out of him. He only has the wires hooked up to him by stickers just to monitor him...I just can't wait for him to be able to keep his own body temp so I don't have to ask permission to hold my baby...but one step at a time...It's a marathon not a sprint

Day #8 Backing down from CPAP

Today, has been a huge and I do mean huge step forward for my little guy. They started windowing him(removing CPAP and using a nasal cannula) yesterday 1 hour every 12 hours. Then they increased it to 2 hours every 12, then 3 hours every twelve. He has gained weight and he is off of all IV fluids. I am absolutely amazed at how well he is doing. I am so very proud of him and how hard he is working. Just a short update today...Keep praying for him please!!

Day #7 We made it 1 week old today

YEAH!!! We made it 1 week old today...I am so happy. So, let's see...My mother in law came this afternoon and helped me with some of the house work. My OCD is kinda getting out of control. Every little thing I see out of place makes me insane. I just feel like my life is so out of control that I need to control everything else I can. The house work falls in the category of can be controlled. So, due to my OCD I have a hard time just sitting down and forcing myself to rest, heal and relax from childbirth. Having her here today really took a load off my shoulder. Plus, not seeing a dusty table and floors that need to be swept just puts me at ease. I know some people think I am crazy and there are obvious things that are more important then dusting but Meh..this is my coping mechanism.
So, little Chris is doing great. They took him off of all IV fluids today and they started weening him from the CPAP. The procedure is called "windowing". Basically, the procedure consist of taking him off the CPAP and placing him on a nasal cannula for 1 hour and seeing how he does. HE DID GREAT!!!! The doctors decided to window him for 1 hour every 12 hours. The problem that I am having is this...He has done so very very well these last 7 days and I am just waiting for the bottom to fall out of my dream cloud. I have been told like 10 gazillion times in the NICU more often then not it is 2 steps forward and 1 back. So, far we have had step after step after step in the right direction and I am just holding my breath. I mean....please please don't get me wrong I DO NOT want anything to go wrong. I want to have the biggest success in NICU history. This is just how I feel right now. I guess this is what it is like being a parent....till the day he comes home and every night when I lay him to bed; on his first date; when he goes away to college I will hold my breath and say a little prayer for him. But....all in all, with all my worry, today was another good day at the NICU. Oh, and I made a sign to put on his warmer to announce how old he is.

Day #6 Look at that wingspan

So, I had therapy today and it was definitely needed. It felt good to cry to someone that wasn't emotionally invested in Trey like family and stuff.
Today, Trey got his 1wk head CT. They use it to check for brain bleeds. The bleeds are classified on a scale of 1-4. 1 being nothing to worry about and 4 being very serious. So, as I sat there and waited for a doctor I thought I was going to die. The waiting was killing me. I just kept saying to myself please no bleed. The nurse saw that I was melting down and she attempted to keep us busy changing diapers and bedding. At some point, I said something about the test and she said " I know that I shouldn't say anything, I should wait for the doctor but you are freaking out." She then told me that there was a possible not definite class 1 bleed. Believe it or not that is actually okay news. My heart breathed a sigh of relief. The doctor came to us a few minutes later. She said, yep there is a possible not definite bleed. Worst case sering he might have ADD, or a mild learning disability but nothing that will set him apart from his peers. That is GREAT I thought. So, more watching and waiting. No more important testing for now.
So, all in all he is doing well. His feeding are up to 11ml every 2 hours. He is pooing and peeing like a champ and so far no hiccups or real issues to worry about.
So, after we talked to the doctor the nurse spent sometime talking with us and answering question and my husband said "hey, what is his wing span" He is planning Treys future NFL career. We grabbed a measuring tape and found out that it is 16 in long. 1 inch longer then he is. So, now I decided that he is long and hairy just like a little monkey....MY little monkey.

Day #5 Our first poopie diaper

So, yesterday Chris and I changed Trey's diaper and well...we didn't do such a great job of putting the new one on. Anyways, I said to Chris. "why is he starring off like that, humm, hello anyone in there?" Well, Chris looked down and there was poo everywhere...we just starting laughing. SO, I took off his little diaper but I didn't know that babies poo and pee at the same time. SO, then he peed EVERYWHERE!!! So, we had to change all of his bedding and the diaper and had clean him up. It was hilarious. YEAH, our first diaper blow out.
So, Christopher had lost weight like most babies do after birth but he has gone back up to his birth weight and that is great. He is pooing and peeing like a champ and his food is up to 9ml every two hours. Today, which is actually day #6 they are doing his brain scan to make sure he isn't having any brain bleeding...I am a bit nervous about that but hopeful that everything is okay.
Yesterday, we got to do skin to skin contact for the first time...I just love holding him and having him close to me as possible. I just can't wait to take him home so I can cuddle and hold him all I can. It will be nice when he is off of O2 and out of the incubator and I can hold him for as long I as want, whenever I want to. For right now, it is baby steps and I cherish every touch, holding secession, feeding and poopie diaper.

Day #2

Day #2 finds me a little calmer then yesterday. I called the NICU 2 times last night. My husband wanted me to stay home and get some rest this morning but I couldn't do it. I got up and got showered and dressed and headed to the NICU. I got there to find that he had 13 bouts of A & B (apnea and his heart rate drops) before they added caffeine to his breast milk. He only had a small one after that. So, now heis doing better. He is under the UV light for Jaundice and eating 2mls every 2 hrs and tolerating it very well. He has yet to have a BM but they said it was perfectly normal for him not to have one yet. So, he has completely gone through all the milk I have had for him which was great and of course I had more when I came in. I am so glad that I decided to breast feed...I feel awful leaving him in the hospital even though I know it is the best place for him right now, so breast feeding makes me feel like I am doing something for him. I can't wait to place him on the breast even though they will do it while they are actually feeding him though a tube but it will teach him to latch on and stay awake during feedings. So, more later...thanks again for all the support...we really need it right now.

Day #3

So, trey is doing well today. The doctors have increased his food from 2ml-4-5 and hopefully to 6ml by tomorrow. He has yet to give us that first glorious poo...LOL. His billi level was high so they put him under lights and it has dropped and hopefully by my visit tomorrow he will be off the lights.
I love seeing him and just starring at his beautiful "old man" face. They assume that in the next few days I will be able to hold him..not for too long but at least I will get to hold him in my arms. It is so frustrating not to hold him and kiss his face. I know it is the best for now but it still hurts.
Today, has been rough for me. It started out great and then I went to see him with my husband. I was so sad when we left. I felt like I left my heart behind. So, I went home and straight to the bathroom to cry it out. I asked my husband to cook dinner and laid in bed. I can't help but be mad at myself and wonder what I did wrong. I know I shouldn't think that way but I can't help it. I feel like I am just peices of a person. My husband came in to the bedroom and I know with the best intentions but he just said all the wrong things. I just sat there and let him talk...I don't feel like there is any reason to try to expain myself to anyone right now. He said to me you can't do this to yourself and get all worked up. He said it wasn't fair to Trey or him. Trust me this is the short of it and it sounds much colder then it was. He is just trying to get me out of a funk and I get it but at the same time what I really need is for him to say...cry if you want, scream yell be mad it is all okay and I understand....I feel like everyone wants me to put on this brave face and I can't for too much longer and we still have a long way to go. So, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and I can attempt to find someway to express this to him and Trey will continue to do better and better. I miss him so very much and I feel like I am missing importaint bonding time with him. I am afaird that he won't know who I am or reconize my smell. I guess I have alot of things running through my mind fears, hopes dreams and prayers.

Day #4

So, today was a good day...actually better than good it was great. My husband and I got to hold Trey for the first time...I mean I held him for like 1 min the day he was born but today we both really got to hold him. If felt great and really helped quite the fear in my mind that we wouldn't bond. When they placed him in my arms the heaviness in my heart lifted and he just looked at me. I began talking to him and stoking his face and head, and his little tiny hands. His heart rate was so calm and his breathing was easier then I have ever seen it. He had a look on his face like...hey, I know you from somewhere I just can't put my finger on it. LOL!!! Then it was dads turn this was absolutely the first time he held him at all, except in the incubator while they changed his bedding. He looked so proud. I could just see the love pouring out of him...I don't know that I ever loved him more then in that perfect moment. Finally, we were all together..holding each other. It just felt right.. I have never had a more perfect moment in my life.
The doctors have upped his food again to 8ml every 2 hours and he is taking it down like a champ. He has also had his first 2 bowl movements which is beyond great. Peeing and pooing are two of the four things he has to do without problems before he can come home. I have never been so happy to hear that someone pooed !!! LOL HAHA :)
So, today is a great day...I no longer feel like my son is a art exhibit behind glass and we have poo, and our first family pictures. I will post them as soon as I get my husband to get them off the camera. Hopefully, tomorrow before we go the hospital.
THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR ALL THE SUPPORT!!!

UPDATE!!!! my husband and I spoke this morning...he basically said that it frustrates and scares him when I withdrawal from the world. He is afraid that I will shut down and get really depressed. He said I can come and cry on his shoulder anytime. Cry, scream yell whatever...I guess I am so use to be strong all the time because of my family that it is hard for me to show my weakness... Also, I know this isn't easy for him either and I don't want to be a bother...He just looked at me when I said that and said I can bother him anytime....This can do nothing but make us stronger.