He said "MA MA"!!!

Okay, well...he did say "mamamamam" and "babababababa" I know that he is only making the sounds and they don't mean anything but I am telling myself that he said "mama".

It was so shocking to hear him making vowel sounds. He was upset and complaining to me because I was taking to much time to get his bottle (hehe) and all of a sudden he stared saying "ah ah mamamamamma" "bababababab ah ah" It melted my heart. I just prayed that he would do it when Chris got home and ....HE DID!!!!

But, now I have to admit that it breaks my heart when he blubbers and fusses now because it sounds like he is calling for me :(

Yeah!!!! It's Christmas time.

I am so freakin' pumped for Christmas! I have decided that I want to take good pictures at home so I got a new camera and I LOVE IT!!! AND guess what!!!! I have prelim Christmas picts...here there are!!!!!

I still need to get one of the cat and try to get picts of the whole family together so this is my warning....I will be bringing my camera to ALL family events this Christmas and you will be expected to be in pictures. So, be ready!

Trey is doing AMAZING!!! No colds yet (knock on wood) and he is happy and healthy and Chris and I are too! We are so blessed, this past year has been a roller coaster and we are so very happy to have our happy, healthy giggly little boy with us!

Wow! Trey is 6months old

I can't hardly believe it. He is so big and healthy and I am so proud. The doctor told us we can stop the 1am feeds and I almost cried I was so happy. Finally, I can get some real sleep.YEEESSS!!! We got the okay to start solids or at least attempt them. Trey doesn't seem too rushed to start with the solid foods and that is okay by me for now. We keep trying and I am sure it will just click in his head just like breathing and bottle feeding. So, if you can tell...I am not too worried about. Well, he is 24.25 inches long and we will call it 13lbs. The doctor is very impressed with his catch up growth so far and said that if we can avoid any colds/flu/coughs until January we will be in great shape. So the current goal is to keep mommy from getting sick so baby doesn't get sick...See, Chris has a great immune system and well...I don't. I get sick ALL THE TIME in the winter. So, if I can keep healthy then we don't have to worry all that much. Well, enough yammering on...I know what you really came for...PICTURES!!!!

RSV season = a shot every 28days poor baby

So, to prevent RSV Trey has to get a shot every 28 days from November - March. Poor baby :(

Now, poor mommy and daddy. This shot cost 1500$ EACH month. Thank God for insurance but this means that we have to pay our deducible at start of the year. CRAP!!!! Oh, well...Keeps the little one healthy and that is all that matters. But I have to say, ANTHEM INSURANCE KISS MY BUTT!!! I am so sick of talking to them and getting threatening letters telling me that if my LO gets ill and they "think" it was due to my negligence that they may not cover all of his hospital care...So, forgive me if you can't hold Trey or I seem standoffish. I am not trying to be mean and I promise in the spring you ALL can cuddle him all you want :) Here is the website to the company that gives the shot, AKA Synagis

http://www.synagis.com/Default.aspx

Umm...sorry, things have been busy :)

So here are some picts from the last month. So so sorry, I just don't have much time between school, mommy duties and everything else but here we go. Trey is talking or baby babbling all the time. He is getting so big. The last time I checked he was 12.1lbs, it is hard to believe that he was 2lbs 10oz when he was born. We are officially on lock down for RSV and Flu season. Here on some websites that will give you all some info so I stop sounding like the over protective first time mommy.

http://www.kristiemcnealy.com/rsv-and-flu-prevention-tips/

http://www.babylinq.com/top10waystokeepyourpreemiehealthythiswinterinfectionrsvfluprevention.aspx

http://www.cdc.gov/RSV/

How a preemie mom is chosen

~How Preemie Moms Are Chosen~*~(Erma Bombeck)

Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen? Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting hisinstruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As heobserves, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger."Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew.Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia.Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used toprofanity."Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles."Give her a preemie." The angel is curious. "Why this one, God?She's so happy.""Exactly," smiles God."Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? Thatwould be cruel.""But does she have the patience?" asks the angel."I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a seaof self-pity and despair.Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it.I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence sorare and so necessary in a mother.You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own.She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy.""But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect She hasjust the right amount of selfishness."The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally,she will never survive.Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.She will never take for granted a spoken word.She will never consider a step ordinary.When her child says momma for the first time,she will be witness to a miracle and know it.I will permit her to see clearly the things I see--ignorance, cruelty, prejudice--and allow her to rise above them.She will never be alone.I will be at her side every minute of every day of her lifebecause she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.""And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised inthe air.
God smiles. "A mirror will suffice.

It has been a while...Sorry ;)

Fun in the exersaucer

AAAHHHHAHA!!!! the elusive smile...gotch ya!

First trip to the Louisville Zoo, this is how Trey stacks up against a gorilla!First time in the baby carrier...ZzzzzzZZZzzzz Question of the night: How do we have Friday night Wii Frisby Golf comption when the baby won't sleep? Answer: He always falls asleep in the carier!

Boy oh boy, this mom things takes a TON of time and energy (LOL). We have a good schdule going on so now that I am in school I have time to study and stuff....also, being at home is nice. I like having adult time but I LOVE spending time with Trey and cooking dinner and all the 'housewife' type stuff. So, night school works out really well for me because he is bedding down around the time I leave. I really don't feel like I am missing anything..

So, wow, Trey was 11lbs 4oz on September 15th. He got his second set of shots :( but it was funny because he had to get 3 shots, two in the right leg and one in the left. When she got him with the first one he looked at me like "WTF" the second shot his bottom lip started quivering and the third shot he wailed but like it was a total surprise...I described it best in the vidio I took..He really didn't expect it...sorry I know it sounds mean but I laughed. Picked him up and said "tell me all about the mean lady ! " and he started babbling away as if he was trying to tell me this horrible story. Freaking HILLIRAIOUS! I didn't have the heart to even vocalize the fact that his RSV Syngsis shot had been approved for every month from October to March :(,bad mommie!

He is on target for most of his milestones and several are for his actual age not his adjusted age...AWESOME!!! Pushing up while on his belly is a 4-5mth milestone..Yippie!

So, here are some picts that we have. I have a ton but this is all the time I have today!

Family picts and a great 2nd peds apt

Little Christopher had his seconds follow up peds appointment and I am very happy to report that he is 8lbs 6oz and 21inches long...BIG BOY!!! the doctor said he is doing very very well and if you go by his adjusted age he is right on target!!! SWEEETTTT!!!!

We had some family/baby pictures done on my due date and I would love to share some of them...so....here we go!!!

He is 3months old / 3days adjusted

It is so hard to believe that Trey is 3months old...well he was yesterday. The more difficult part to explain is that he kinda has two birthdays (at least to me and the doctors). He has his real birthday April 28th and his adjusted (actual due date) birthday July 25th. These two dates will have a TON of importance until he is 2 years old and will have 'caught up' with other children his age. So, I bought these stickers to put on his onsies for each month he is and they start at zero ( LOL) so, I took a picture of him on his zero birthday and one again for his 3month birthday.

I have to say that as my due date has came and went I have had mixed emotions about it. Part of me is glad to have a happy healthy baby here with me and the other part of me still feels like I missed out on the "perfect" pregnancy and birth that I envisioned for Christopher, Chris and me. I still blame myself for his early arrival, even though I know in my head that I didn't do anything wrong. I guess I just wish there was something I would/could have done differently. But...to be honest my due date coming wasn't as bad as it has been for some of the 'preemie moms' that I know. Probably because Trey is home with me. I don't know how bad it would have been for me if he wasn't home but I won't dwell on that.

So, I have a video that I took and would like to share with everyone..I am in the process of TRYING to catch him rolling over. I had no idea how hard this would be, seeing he does it when he feels like it. It kinda seems like I am trying to catch a shooting star on film.

SO very sleepy!

We have been home for a little over two weeks and I finally feel like we are settling in to a routine ( if there is such thing with a new baby at home LOL). These last two weeks have flown by. I have never felt so busy, tired, wore out, happy, sad, irritated, oh did I say tired... in my life. I am finding that I am slightly jealous of Chris because he gets to go to work. Don't get me wrong I love Trey more then life it's self but I need a break for more then an hour..I need an afternoon of no bottles, baby, dishes, laundry, dog, cat or anything. Luckily Meghan ( my BFF) went to the mall with me and Trey on Monday and it was great. Just to have interaction with someone other then Chris. I needed a little girl time and some retail therapy.

probably should be sleeping right now but I feel that I have neglected the blog lately. It seems like I can barely get 5 seconds to relax and when I do I am TOTALLY not in the mood to blog. But, anywhoo here are something that I have learned lately on my road to mommyhood.

1) Going to the bathroom is now considered a break and I can do anything I need to while in the bathroom in less then 30 seconds

2) Cold food isn't that bad

3) Showers are a luxury and if I get a chance to shave my legs the day is going to be PERFECT!!

4) Sweat pants are my new favorite thing

So here are some picts of the family...enjoy

. Watching the game...or something on ESPN!

I LOVE outfits with ears..

the las tday in the NICU...NO TUBES

Our first week home!

This last week has just flown by. Trey had his follow up eye appointment yesterday and it went great. They saw no ROP at all..AWESOME. He eyes are fully developed, so his next appointment is not for a year. Next week he has a follow up at the highrisk NICU clinic at Children's and I don't even want to think about it. I promised myself that I will live in the here and now that way I can enjoy every minute but I am sure that everything will be fine.

Trey has a pretty good schedule, He wakes up at 7am for a feeding then sleeps till 9 wakes up to be fed again and then we take Tango for a walk. Then we do some tummy time till he wears himself out. He sleeps from 11-2 in the afternoon and that gives me plenty of time to clean and start dinner. He wakes to be fed and changed then we do some more tummy time and hang out till dad comes home. He usually takes a bottle or breast at 12am then sleeps till 4am and I can't tell you how great it is to sleep from 12-4. I am so glad that we have a schedule; I hate not having one. When things are on a schedule it makes life so much easier.

Trey LOVES tummy time. The doctor said he may not like it but OMG his was wrong. He squeals and smiles. It is so cute. He is doing a great job lifting his head and neck but I have to say it is funny to watch him lift that gigantic melon of his LOL. We have a video of it and when I figure out how to up load it I will post it. Well, he is waking up from his nap so ...got to go.

First Pediatrician Appointment..we are offically on the growth chart!!!

The last two nights have been beyond wonderful. I have learned some new tricks as a mom...like using my feet as a second set of hands and I do beleive that I have developed super heaing. Trey is on a great schdule and I am sure any mother will agree that, that is a GREAT thing. Tigger ( our cat ) is not to pleased with the new addition to our family. She is very jelous but I am sure she will get over it soon. She just hates seeing Chris hold anything other then her.

We had our first pediatrician appointment today and it went really well...except for the dumb ass nurse who nearly choked Trey and caused him to brady..but more on that in a second. I really like the doctor he is very knowledgeable on preemies and so far I feel very comfortable with him. Trey is actual on the growth chart and for any mom but especially a preemie mom this is a huge deal seeing that our children are looked at as behind on most things. Sometimes it feels like they are on a uphill battle from the start. So, anyways he is in the 75th percent for his height and weight and 60th for his head circumference but due to the fact that his head is still a bit squished I am not worried and neither is the doctor. Trey has met most of his milestones for 1mth and has started on his 2mth milestones...they are as follows, the ones in red are the ones he has done so far, BTW..my new obsession will be catching him up and meeting his milestones (yeah)

By the end of month one a baby typically:
Lifts head for short periods of time
Moves head from side to side
Prefers the human face to other shapes
Makes jerky, arm movements
Brings hands to face
Has strong reflex movements
Can focus on items 8 to 12 inches away
May turn towards familiar sounds or voices
Responds to loud sounds
Blinks at bright lights

By the end of month two a baby typically:
Smiles
Tracks objects with his eyes
Makes noises other than crying
May repeat vowel noises, such as "ah" or "ooh"

So, the doctor suggested that we give Trey the rotavirus oral vaccination so of course we did. The idiot nurse who gave him the dose placed him on his back ( we have to feed him on his side at an angle to feed him due to choking and reflux ) I was explaining to her why this won't work as she squeezed a large amount of the medicine in his mouth and of course he started to choke then he turned slightly purple which means he is having a brady. She totally didn't know what to do and I could tell she was starting to panic. I on the other hand knew what to do. I scooped him up and patted him on the back until the color came back. By this time, she had left to get help and had came back with a nurse that has a preemie and knew what to do...but I already had it under control. Needless to say I told her that I wasn't being mean but I would like another nurse to assist us next time if possible, she was very nice about my request and said no problem and apologized, again.

The doctor suggested that we get out and enjoy the weather because once RSV season hits ( September/October ) we would be on lock down for the winter. RSV is the leading killer in preemies under two years old, Trey will be getting a special shot every month for it but we still have to limit his contact until he has a strong enough immune system and lungs to fight it off, when he gets it...and he will at some point.

So, we went on our first outing...to the mall YEAH!!! It felt good to get out and finally be seen with our baby..I loved seeing people stretch to get a peek in the stroller to see him and say 'aw, how cute he is so little' I was kinda paranoid about the germs but we kept our distance and it was the middle of the day. One lady said oh, he is so little how old is he...UGGG the dreaded preemie question..Most people don't understand that a preemies have to catch up due to there early arrival..so, when I tell people he is 2mths old and they see a newborn you can see the wheels turning. So, I gave the quick answer he is 2mths but he came early and was only 2lbs 10oz when he was born I could tell she understood. I think from now on I will give his adjusted age until I don't have to explain to people the "story"..but right now he still isn't zero yet (lol). So, that is what is going on in our little mans life right now..we are just enjoying every minute of it.

Day #1 of the rest of our lives!!!

After 70 very long days in the NICU we finally brought our little monkey home!!!

I have waited for this day for what seems like a life time and here it is...as I sit here and blog my wonderful husband is sitting with our son softly stoking his cheek and watching a movie...I can barely describe how wonderfully simple this moment is yet it will be in my memory forever. Forever, I will remember this very moment. I am so nervous about him being home. The knowledge that I have gained from the NICU makes me a little on edge..I wish I didn't know about bradies or apnea but I do. I am sure that with every passing day my concern will lessen but for now I am on edge but...peaceful at the same time..It is very hard to describe how I feel...It is so good to have my family all under one roof....finally.

Day #69...I can't sleep!!!

I can't believe it...the day is finally here!!!

The doctor called today and said that Trey has been doing really well..Taking all of his feeds, gaining weight and that if he continued to do well over night that he can come home tomorrow. I starting dancing all around the house...

I went to the hospital and filled out the circumcision consent and it broke my heart. He has been though so much and here I go putting him through more pain..I feel bad, but it has to be done. Chris and I picked out his special go home outift and I packed the diaper bag. The bottles are washed, the nursery is done

I am so excited I can barely write tonight..I can't think. All I do think about is how it will be holding... him at home, changing... him at home, loving him...at home. So,here is my letter to our Little Monkey

Dear Christopher,

When your daddy and I found out we were pregnant we were beyond happy. We found out the week before Thanksgiving. We had your nursery all ready for you by Christmas Eve. We found out that you were a boy and I have never seen your daddy happier. Being pregnant with you was very easy and I loved it. You kicked all the time and were very active and I LOVED it, but you decided to come early. You came 12 weeks early. I spent 9 days in the hospital trying to keep you in by alas you came anyways on April 28th at 12:40pm. I was prepared for the worst because you were so early but you were pink and crying when you came in to the world. The second I saw you I feel in love with you and your first cry melted my heart. I have never seen your daddy so proud.

Your daddy and I have waited for 10 long weeks for this day, to bring you home. You see because you came 12 weeks early you spent 10 weeks in the hospital. We visited you ever day and watched you grow. I will never forget the first time I was able to hold you, or the first diaper we changed, or the day we fed you for the first time,or put clothes on you for the first time. It has been a long road and we love you more and more each day.

Tomorrow when we take you through the NICU doors for the first time I am sure we will be a little scared but more excited. I can't wait to bring you home and love all over you.

Love you so much
Mommy

Day #68 Boring days at the NICU!

Monkey without any tubes YEAH!!

I am sure everyone has noticed that I have stopped tracking Trey's daily weight. I am still "weight obsessed" but he is constantly gaining and now that the NG tube, Oxygen and IV's are all out and he is over 6bls it doesn't seem like such a big deal. To be honest, FINALLY the days are becoming very boring at the NICU...

So far this is the hardest part of our NICU journey. The wait...Just waiting for the day when they tell us he can come home. I know it is so very close...Some nights I can hardly sleep. I wake up to pump around 3am and since last week it takes me until 5 or so fall asleep again. When I wake up I day dream ( or night dream LOL) about what it will be like to get up to feed him and not just pump. Sometimes, I can still smell him on my skin and think about wonderful it will be to be woken up at 3am to feed him. It's funny how some parents dread the night feeding but I can't wait. Even when he is crying it doesn't bother me, I enjoy every minute of it...every dirty diaper, hiccups, the several times he has spit up and it has gone directly down my shirt, watching him smile. Every moment with my precious baby boy seems more and more special and I can't wait to start a routine at home with him.

So, here are some recent pictures of Trey,

Soon as I hold him he always falls asleep.

A day or so before the other photos, he still has the NG tube in, still loves his swing!

Day # 67 We are so LUCKY!!!

Today when the doctors called they told me that the NG tube is out!!! I can't believe how fast this whole thing is moving along. Anyways, he started to tell me that they stopped using the HMF in the breast milk and started using something else that I can use at home, basically they are transitioning him to the other stuff to make sure he can tolerate it. Then he asked me to schedule our room in when we get there today!! This is the first time in 9 weeks that I have been excited to go to the hospital. This will be the first time since he was born that I will get to see him without any tubes or IV's.

Last night Chris and I were going to the hospital and kinda talking about "why?" this happened to us and surprisingly the discussion turned very positive. We feel like this whole situation really strenghten our marriage. We really worked through some of our BS and petty crap during this. We also feel like being a preemie parent makes us love our babies just a little more then if we would have had a healthy full term baby, not that "regular" moms don't love there kids...we all do..we just appreciate our babies in a different way. So, really...we are blessed, we just didn't see it at first..but now we do and we will never forget it...every bump or bruise, cough or cold, he gets will startle us a little more then the average parent but we have to be thankful that we even get those moments . Ever time he gets in trouble and the first time he falls in love will mean just a little more to me and my DH because at one point we didn't know if we would ever have those moments.

Today, I feel truly blessed!!!

Day # 62-66 In the home stretch

It has been a while since I have posted, mostly because I am exhausted. I haven't taken a day off even the day of the surgery I was at the NICU before I had the surgery. I do have a ton of really good news.

As you all know Trey has been taking bottles and breastfeeding. He is now taking all of his feeds orally...AWESOME and he is no longer on supplemental oxygen..YES!! I said it he is taking all his feeds by mouth and is off of the oxygen. He is constantly gaining weight so.....YEP...he is coming home soon. The nurses have bets going on how much longer it will be. One says next week and the other thinks he will be home before she gets back from vacation. Trey's final eye exam showed now prematurity in his eyes at all so no ROP and his IVH resolved it's self. When the doctor called to let me know that he was off of the O2 and taking his feeds orally..I just said Okay and listed as usual. He said to me.."do you know what I am telling you...Your going to have a baby home, really soon." It didn't hit me until Wednesday night. I woke up at 3am and couldn't sleep. I felt like I did when I was 6 the night before Christmas. I was full of excitement. I can't imagine how little sleep I will get the night before he actual comes home. So, Chris and I are spending the holiday weekend getting everything in order for Trey's big homecoming. We could get the call any day that he is ready to come home

;;;;;;doing a happy dance;;;;;;

Day # 61

I can't beleive that I will finally have a baby home with me by the end of the month. It is hard to describe how anchious I am. I refuse to ask anyone when they think he will come home. I will know when I see the discharge nurse. I have looked at her picture many times since we began this journey and I will definatly know her when she comes by.

Trey is doing really well as usual and the fight has finally ended over what kind of nipple to bottle feed him with. I win...haha slow flow. He took a complete feed by breastfeeding today and it was great to finally have a good feeding secession with him again.

So, here are some 2mth pictures of Monkey, The nurses have placed a mirror in his bed and he LOVES it. When we got there he was just starring at himself. It was so cute.

Day #59 & # 60 2 months old today FINALLY over 6lbs

Yesterday, Trey got his two month shots and has been kinda sleepy since then. He is doing well and taking 2 bottles a day and the rest by his NG tube. I hate seeing him so sleepy and out of it but I have been told that every baby deals with shots in their own way and for him it might be sleeping it off. I weighed the decision to give him his shot pretty heavily. I spoke with several doctors and nurses. I wanted to vaccinate him but I wasn't sure if we should wait until he adjusted to 2mths old not his actual age, but we decided that when he comes home that it is best to have him vaccinated against as much as possible. Here are his stats for 1mth and 2 mth

1 months 3lbs 12Oz 16 1/2 inches long

3months 6lbs .5Oz 19 3/4 inches long

I am doing better then yesterday and even better then the day before that. I think the closer we get to Christopher's actual due date the more I morn the pregnancy and birth he and I should have had. I tell myself that he should still be inside me, safe. I feel like I have failed him and I don't even know why. We still have no clue why I delivered early and probably never will. I just wish I could have kept him safe longer. But he is doing very well and will be home by the end of this coming month and I can't wait.

Day #58 It's been a rough day

I feel so overwhelmed and stressed. To be very honest I am drained. I feel like a horrible mother and a wife right now. There isn't much logic to my emotions but that is how I feel. I hate having to use a walker and I am so sick of feeling like a burden to the people in my life. I hate that every day I wake up I am constantly reminded of the car accident and the day my life was forever changed because of one persons mistake and disregard for others. All I want is to be a happy new mommy and wife but I can't. I feel like I am living my life on pause and every time I begin to move past the terrible spot someone hits rewind and I am back in the thick of it again. I can't wait to start meds again...I know I really need them right now in order to see a ray of sunshine in this cloud that is covering my life. I really need to be out of this funk before Trey comes home. I need to be the best mommy I can be, he deserves it. I need to be the best wife I can be, Chris deserves it. I try so hard to be the best and I feel like I keep falling short...I keep trying. Maybe I put to much pressure on myself to be perfect. To have the cleanest house, most organized closets, to make straight a's in school. To be the best mother. To be the best wife. I don't know...I just need a break. I need my son to be healthy, my family to be happy and a few days with out any issues or drama. I just need a few peaceful days.

Day # 57

Trey is down to three-quarters of a liter on his O2 and is talking two bottles a day orally. Once I can breastfeed again he will take 2 bottles and 1 or 2 BFing sessions a day. I can't believe it but he is 5lbs 11.4 oz...WOW. I can't believe it but he will defiantly clear 6lbs when we get him home. Yippie.

So, my surgery went well much better then expected but my recovery time has gone from 10-12 days to 6-12 weeks. If I do as well as I usually do 6 weeks should be sufficient. I won't be able to drive for a while and I am going to speak with the doctor at my appointment to clear up exactly how long that will be. I have been placed on hip precautions. That means that I can't move my leg in a 90degree angle and I can't cross my leg or bring it across my chest. My flexibility is already better. I'm not in to much pain. I am more sore then anything. I have to use a walker..again but I am weight bearing as tolerated so hopefully in a few days I won't need it.

I do have to say that I am beyond stress out. Some people may not understand why but all the surgery and pain really takes a toll on my mind. I hate walking into the hospital. Every time I go there I think about the car accident or some aspect of it. I think about how my 9 months and a healthy baby were denied to me for some unknown reason. I try to put on a happy face and when I talk about the accident.I try to sound somewhat positive about it but the reality is that I am having a hard time dealing with that and Trey's early arrival. I was diagnosed with PTSD a very long time ago and for me it takes a very long time for things to hit me...and yes, it has taken almost 3 years for the gravity of the situation to hit me. To be honest I think Trey's coming early is what really made all this hit me. I feel like I have the worst luck. Who gets involved in such a bad accident and has a preemie. I don't think I can handle to much more. I just want a couple of years to be calm and uneventful. So, I got the thumbs up on taking some meds for all this crap and I still go to therapy. My goal is to deal with these issues and finally move forward with my life. It may take a while but one foot in front of the other and I will get there and become a better mommy and wife. So here is something a little more positive...sorry all.

here are the pictures I promised of Trey taking his first bottle

Day #55 & 56 8 weeks old, How fast we pass our milestones

Today was the day of my surgery. I was a nervous wreck on the way to the hospital. I feel like I have lost so much control over my life and it is driving me crazy. Chris and I got to the hospital at 5:15am so I could spend time with Trey before surgery. It is amazing how much he calms me down. Just the smell of him brings me to a place of peace. I didn't want to pick he up because he was peacefully sleeping. We took his 8 weeks old picture and off we went to surgery. I had to pump before we went back and I had Chris bring the milk to the NICU. I wanted them to have some fresh milk for him. I had a total of 25 fresh ounces for him.

The anaesthesia doctor's were talking to me about possibly needing a spinal or epi. That really freaked me out. More then anything I have been stressed about the recovery from this surgery and they were talking to me like I might be in pain that is so bad that I would need a nerve block. I opted not to have one unless I woke up and needed it.

When I woke up the pain was minimal at best. I basically felt like I hip checked a table really hard. I am so glad that it was as painful as they said it might have been. I woke up and pumped and waited for Chris. I was in recovery for a long time because they had me in a semi-private room and my nurse wanted me in a private room because of my need to pump. Chris got there and the NICU nurses had taken a picture of him holding Trey for me to keep while I was away from him. They are so sweet and awesome..I love the NICU nurses they are amazing.

I got wheeled to my room and when my nurse came in she had an envelope that had a picture of Trey glued to a piece of paper that said "Trey...says get well mommy" I started balling. That was such a sweet thing to do. Chris left to go feed Trey another bottle. He called me later and told me that Trey took his whole feed orally...CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!! I felt a little sad because I wasn't there but I was still so happy that he took a whole feed. He is such an amazing little boy. I miss him already.

So, the doctor took a little longer to do my surgery but the out look has improved. He was able to remove bone from the round ball part of my hip and the inner part and he told Chris that my mobility and flexibility has increased a ton. So, that is great. I haven't been able to put weight on it yet but hopefully tomorrow. It doesn't hurt to bad it is just is too weak. With any luck I will be discharged tomorrow and I promised that I wouldn't push myself to hard. Due to the fact that they removed all the hardware and all the extra bone I am on limited movement restriction. They don't want me to pop it out of place. So, for once in my life I will actually listen to the doctors and my husband....taking it SSSLLLOOOOWWW. I want to be in tip top shape for my little monkey.

Tomorrow or the day after I will have 8week pictures of Trey and pictures of him taking his first bottle. TTYL

Day #53 & 54 Doing beyond great!!!

Things in the life of Chris, Nola, Trey, Tango and Tigger have been going GREAT!!! Our 2x's a day feeding have been going great and I am sad to have to stop for surgery. So, tomorrow will be our last time for a few days. I can't describe how good it feels to feed him...ahh the little things.

Today, I told Chris I can't believe that Trey will be 8weeks old on Tuesday. We are finally in the home stretch of Trey coming home. WOW!!! At the latest he will be home in 4 weeks from Tuesday. So, here is the list of things he needs/needed to do before he comes home

* poo and pee
* maintain his own body temperature
* take all his feeds orally
* while taking his feeds only orally, needs to gain weight for 5 days consecutively
* breathing on his own
* No A & B episodes for 5 days

The items in RED have already been done..It may seem like a lot but really some of them really go hand in hand..The hardest part will be no A&B's seeing he like to bear down really hard when he goes to the bathroom and stops breathing which stops the fast pace of his heart. The weight part is a peace of cake.

So, Tuesday I have surgery on my hip...again UGGG!!! This time they will be removing the plates and hardware and removing the excess bone and rounding out the ball part of my hip..I should be in the hospital for 1night and they want me to start walking that night, and that is great because I hate just lying around. I am way too high strung for that. Anywhoo, more on that during my hospital stay..

So, Trey is great, Life is good and that is all folks!!

Day #52 Yeah!!! We did it!!!

Oh, I can't begin to tell you all how great my day has been. Trey is on 1ltr of O2 and hasn't had a single A&B in two days. But let's get to the really GREAT part of the day....

So, I woke up this morning and it was B-day (breast feeding day). I wanted to relax myself as much as possible so I went and got a haircut because it always makes me feel better. I couldn't eat all day so I just kept hydrated. The doctor called and spoke with me while I was getting my hair cut and let me know how well Trey was doing and that they were going to bring him down to 1ltrs. I asked her why they didn't want to do 1 1/2 and she said that his nurses and all the doctors, respiratory included, just thought he was ready. She said that he was totally ready to be put to the breast but not to expect too much. He just might not get it or have trouble latching on. Honestly, from all that I have read on preemies and breast feeding I fully expected a list of issues. Fast forward to 1pm.....

I got to the hospital, boppy in hand. When I got to D-pod Trey was wide awake and very hungry. He was rooting around and trying to suck on his blankets LOL...so, I went to pump. We decided that because he might choke that I needed to get the larger part of the milk out...but...there was at least 1-2 oz left. So, I got all ready sat down and the LC came over. She started talking to me about how they score how well they do and BLAH BLAH. I sorta just tuned her out and I saw Treys mouth open really wide put him near my chest and he latched right on!!! He looked at me kinda crazy at first like "humm, what is this...ummm...kinda different" then he just began to suck like crazy...Let me correct that last statement...He sucked for 8-10 good burst then swallowed and YEP breathed....YESSS!!! He kept up like that for about 15 minutes. He had the sweetest happiest look on his face and I breathed a sigh of deep relif. He got it, right out of the gate. I kept repeating to myself...he got it, OMG he got it. It was just wonderful to see the light bulb pop on above his head. I really had a mommie moment and it was wonderful...I just did the most natural and best thing ever for my little boy, I fed him, Me !!! Not a tube in his belly but me!!!

So, they started his feed though his tube and he kinda fell off and rolled to his back. I thought he was done and he would get a really full belly and fall asleep boy was I wrong. I snapped my bra and he took notice and got pretty mad about it. He began to root around again. The nurse told me to just comfort him and hold him close. He started licking my shirt and trying to latch on to my tank top. I tried to give him his nuk and he was PISSED...he made a horrible face and looked at me like "WTF mom...I had the good stuff now you want to give me this...NOT!!!" he fussed and fussed but I couldn't latch him back on because we still have to monitor how much he gets and too much could make him kinda sick..Finally, he fussed his self to sleep and I they said he did so well that they would like to try 2x a day until my surgery and then again once I am better. So we will do 2x a day today, Saturday, Sunday, Monday then start back hopefully Thursday or Friday.

Chris and I went up at 7:30 and I got to feed him again...He was a little tired from earlier but he still latched on really well and fed for about 10 minutes. Then he got really really sleepy and pass out peacefully in my arms. I think it sucks for Chris because I get to hold him all the time right now but it will all be worth it when he gets to come home and he can hold him whenever he wants.

Day # 50-51 Big day tomorrow

Wednesday morning Trey's doctor called to let me know they were taking him off of continuous feeds and starting him on bolus feeds today. I was really happy. They decided that the caffeine is out of his system and his reflux has began to resolve it's self. Soon after speaking with the doctor the phone rang again. This time it was the LC from the hospital. She asked me if I was ready to put Trey to the breast for the first time. I didn't know what to say at first. I was speechless. I felt like this day was never going to come and here it was. So, tomorrow will be the first time we put him to the breast. They are going to have me pump first and then gavage feed him while he suckles.

I am so nervous. My mind has been racing since I got the news. I thought 7 weeks ago that I would be so much more happy about this day but I am more scared then anything. I have an over-active letdown and I am scared that he will choke. I am afraid that he won't like it or that I won't know what to do. Most of this "mom" thing has been very instinctive to me but now I feel like the things that should come naturally may not. I am such a control freak that the news of any change good or bad makes me flip out, including this. So, I have the boppy pillow ready to go along with some snack, water and my patience. I have been told many times that he may not get it right away but to be patient and don't give up....So, that is what I will do.

Tracy, Trey's regular night nurse and I decided to put him in a swing chair for the first time. Trey loves to just look around at the world around him and we thought that it would give him a different perspective. I wasn't there for the first time because it was at 1am ( that is one of his most awake times of day.... YEAH =( ) but the next day Chris and I put him in the chair and he LOVED it. It was great to see him more like a real baby. He just sucked on his nuk and looked around.

He has such a great personality and disposition. He is so relaxed although you wouldn't know by the ultra concerned look he always has on his face. He only cries when he wants something and once you figure out what it is he stops. He LOVES his nuk and sucks on it all the time and he loves that swing chair..Thank God I have one at home...so here are some pictures of him in the swing chair and more updates on tomorrows trial run later.

Day #49 7 weeks old today..what a difference 49 days makes

less then 1week old / 2weeks old 2lbs 10oz / 7weeks old 5lbs 3oz

Wow, what a difference a couple of weeks makes. I can't believe all the changes he has had. Just wanted to share...

Well, not much has been going on with Trey his is still hanging out getting bigger everyday. His O2 is still set at 2ltrs at room air. Today, he had his first eye exam to check for ROP and they didn't find anything and he had his follow up head ultrasound. They found that his possible grade 1 IVH had healed it's self..So, good news all around. They want to take him off continues feeds soon and soon after that he will be taking his first bottle..SO EXCITED...actually they want him to try breast feeding first then the bottle but anywho..still exciting..

I have surgery next Tuesday on my hip and I am pretty nervous about it but it has to be done. The doctor decided that he wants to take out the plates in my hip along with removing the extra bone growth...Yippe...NOT!!!

Also, I have to say I am sorry for the lack of updates but...I have developed a very serious addiction............to FARMTOWN!!!! It's an app on Facebook and it has taken over my life...All you do is plant and harvest crops and yet I am super hooked and so are all my friends and Chris. We play it all the time. We sit in the house and IM each other all night...LOL

Anyways, more update later if my harvesting schedule allows...

Day # 44-48 He's a big boy now

I haven't posted lately just because there hasn't been much going on. Trey was down to 1 1/2 ltrs on his O2 for like one day then they moved him back to 2ltrs...Oh, well...I told them to give him 48hrs every step down..all in all he is still doing very well

and .... guess what....

YEP 5LBS 1Oz...WHOOT WHOOT....I can't believe it..he is so big..well..to me he is. LOL

No more preemie clothes for my little monkey.

Day #43 Ode to Ice Cream

Ahhh, Ben and Jerry my new favorite people...My ode to Ben and Jerry...How awesome you are. creating the best ice cream in the world. Oh, how I love your many flavors and how they replace the stress in my life with yummy goodness. If I wasn't already married and if it was possible to live in polygamy with ice cream, I would marry you all..."mission to marzipan", "strawberry cheesecake" and I would never leave you out "everything but the kitchen sink"...I love you all!!

Okay, so I have officially lost it and that okay...As I sit here devouring my nightly pint of ice cream I am actually relaxed and calm. For the first time in 43 day I feel relaxed and I can't tell you why...I just am, and if it last for only 30 more seconds I will still be just that thankful for it.

What has gone on today...Ummm...lets see...Trey is down to 3l on his O2 and they did his follow up head ultrasound today...result should be tomorrow..He is still gaining and we are coming close to the 5lb mark...whoot whoot!!

Oh...and how could I forget...I got hit on by a 15 year old boy at the drive thru at McDonalds...WTF...As he gazed at my comically large boobs he leaned out the window said some things and to that I replied...I am someones mother and I am married...Wow, will my son be this preoccupied with boobs one day...OH GOD!!! I can't think about it...Actually, he is already...while I was holding him today he decided to lift his head up (which I though he wasn't suppose to be able to do already) look around then face plant himself in between my boobs. I tried several time to move him so he could breath..I mean come on one of these babies is 2x the size of his head, but he kept repeating the same maneuver. Lift head, face plant....lift head, face plant...oh, well...thats enough about my boobs...Good Night...

Day #42 6 weeks old today!!!

They have began to wean Trey's O2 back...again. He is on regular room air as far as oxygen percentage goes but he has been on 4l of pressure. They brought him down to 3l today. The doctors also let me know that they are doing his 6wk follow-up head ultrasound on Thursday. They tell me not to worry...but are you serious...that is what I do LOL ;) So, big changes coming up. I can feel it...all good things but big changes.

Here is my gripe for the day...One of the nurses asked me how I would feel about him coming home on oxygen. Now, to the average mom this would not be a big deal...Just a question a simple comment but to me....well....now I am freaking out. I promised myself to try to stay calm until tomorrow and speak with the doctor about how they feel about that comment.

So, on to more positive stuff...Our little monkey, or should I say...CHUNKY MONKEY!!! is 6 weeks old today, all 4lbs 12 oz of him...WOW, every week that passes by finds me more in love with him..It is just amazing how deeply I love that little guy :)

Dear Christopher,

Six weeks ago today you were born. I have to say it was a bit of a surprise. You were not due to come for 12 weeks but you had other plans. You arrived in a hurry too, your delivery only took 2 hours. Every week, I watch you grow and get bigger. I can't wait for the day that we can bring you home. I want you to know how very much you are loved by your daddy and me. To be honest I don't think we ever loved someone more then you. I know it may be hard to believe but I fell in love with you the second I saw you and heard your first little cry. So, here is to you son and your first 6weeks in this world...

Love you so much, Monkey

Mom

Day #41 It's offical he is double his birth weight

Yessss our 4lbs 11Oz picture


Wow, I can't believe it. Trey has officially doubled his birth weight plus 1 ounce. 4lbs 11oz....yessss!!! I can remember the day that we came home from the hospital and I pulled up the grams to pounds conversion website and I calculated how much he weighed. I kept adding numbers even though I knew that 30 grams is an ounce I just needed to see the number. I didn't think we would ever get there...It seemed like such a large number 2098...I kept saying it over and over 2098.2098...2098. Guess what he is 2129. He is so much bigger then he was at birth. He has a roll on his neck LOL!!! and fat little arms and legs. Tomorrow, they are going to cut his O2 back to 3L from 4L. I am sure I will be a wreck until I know he is doing well but I will worry about that tomorrow and be happy for today.

Day #40

Trey is so close to doubling his birth weight. Today he weighed at 4lbs 9.5 ounces. Hopefully, tomorrow I will be able to say that he has officially double...He is so close.

I can't wait to bring him home...I know that I have said that like a million times since this has all started but it finally is starting to feel like it will happen soon. And, by soon I mean 4-6 weeks. I know that seem like a long time but really it isn't, at least it isn't when you look at it from a milestone prospective. He still needs to be off of the O2 and learn to eat. But for now, I will just love every moment I get with him. I really love just holding him, changing his diaper, listening to him breath and coo, and smelling him. I have to say he smells great...I know that sounds funny but he does. I just kiss him and snuggle him and I just love it. I have to say, even though this situation really sucks, I LOVE being a mom.

Day #38 & #39 Good advice

I haven't blogged lately. Not much has been going on with Trey but I have kinda been keeping myself busy trying to organize the nursery. Today, Chris and I went to a friends wedding and I have to say that it felt great to put make up on and get dressed up. Seeing our friends so happy on their wedding day really lifted my spirts. It brought me back to our wedding day and how happy I was. The priest gave little tid bits of advice and two pieces really struck me. One was about coincidences and how nothing is a coincidence. The other was when he said that the marriage and a relationship between two people must always take precedence over all, even children. He said that when the marriage takes 1st place that it will always benefit the family and how important it is for children to see their parents together and happy. I need to make this more a priority, especially right now with all that is going on. Chris had mentioned on the way to the hospital that all we do is eat, sleep, work, and go to the hospital. He said that he wanted to go to the movies. I have to be honest I really didn't want to go. I was tired and preoccupied with finishing the nursery. My girlfriend texted me and asked me to go to the movies. So, we went and I have to say we really needed it. It was great to spend time with another couple and just laugh and have a good time. Coincidence....I think not...God knew we needed it and it will make me a better mom tomorrow.

Day #37 My first day away

So, after my 12 hr day at the NICU the nurses begged me to take one day away from the NICU. I have succeeded but I haven't been able to relax and just sit. I have called the NICU a bunch of times and now I just feel guilty. I feel like they are doing so much and I need to be there, who am I to take a day while my son is in the hospital. So, I busy myself. Chris and I went to BRU and completed the registry so now I can finish the nursery.

So anyways, they took Trey off of the antibiotics and removed his IV. Of course, his blood work all came back fine. So, now the doctors agree with the nurses and me. Refux...big freakin' surprise. They don't want to put him on meds for reflux because they increase NEC. We defiantly don't want that. So, they feel that it is a prematurity issue and he will grow out of it. We shall see.

Day #36 Looks like a long night at the NICU

I am sitting here looking at Trey tying to hold back my tears. I got a phone call at 7:30am from the resident doctor telling me that they had decided to start Trey on antibiotics, again. He had a couple of bradies that were difficult to get him out of. The doctors and the nurses have different perspectives on why his bradies are increasing. The nurses feel that it is due to reflux and nothing needs to be done. They feel that it is a prematurity issue and he will grow out of it. The doctors agree but are afraid that he might have a infection they haven't picked up. The problem being that if he has an infection that it can quickly get out of control. So, the doctors would rather treat him for nothing then have a bigger more serious problem later. Then there is my feelings on the issue. I agree with the nurses but I also don't want him to get an infection. I don't think he has an infection at all but I understand the gravity of the situation. I am also fully aware of the side effects from the antibiotics. Hearing loss being one of them. The reason hearing loss seems more serious to me is because it is more difficult to detect then the other potential problems.

Anyways, here I sit watching him with an IV sticking out of the top of his head. Again, I am hoping that the doctors, nurses and I have made the best decision for Trey. He has been though so much. When is he going to catch a break. I guess I have to try to think positive. Who knows, the antibiotics might do the trick and he might come off the O2 soon and then I will be able to start feeding him soon.

IDK, just keep him in your prayers please.

Day #35 5 Weeks Old TODAY!!!

Sleepy

YEAH!!! 5 weeks

loves his nuk

Awww, daddy loves his little man

Yeah, Our monkey is 5 weeks old today. I can't believe it, wow 5 weeks. He weighed in at 4lbs 4oz tonight. I can't believe that he has nearly doubled his weight. He is getting so big.

Today, the OT lady came to give him a eval. She said that he is doing really well. He has a strong suck reflex and his muscle tone and flexsion is great. Whew!!! Who am I kidding I wasn't worried at all, he is AWESOME!!!! Trey has a fighting spirt just like his mommie. No matter how tough thing look for us we will over come it with a smile on our faces.

So, as some know and others may not Trey is not having any visitors except for Chris and I right now. I am sure that this decision has made some people upset but I have to be honest I am not sorry. The doctors and I came to a decision that we felt was best for my son and that is my job as a parent. To make the best decisions for my son. At-any-rate, I am choosing to explain our decision here so that I can calmly explain myself in a organized manner.

1st and foremost my sons health is at the top of my priority list right now. The doctors were afraid that he was being exposed to too many people. Trey had a bad day where he had 16 brady episodes. The doctors didn't know if they were due to over stimulation or an infection. They have to expect the worse because an infection can kill a preemie in a matter of hours. So, Trey had to be put on 5 days of antibiotics for the MRSA and he was given blood. The decision to place a preemie on antibiotics cannot be taken lightly. The potential side effect can range from organ failure to hearing loss to sepsis. So, they mentioned to me to limit visitors in the hope of limiting his exposure to possible infections. I decided that instead of telling people not to visit that I would ask for people to call me first to make sure it was okay on the perticular day. During this conversation with the doctors they also discussed over stimulation.

It was brought to my attention that there were times when he had visitors and he began to brady afterwards. They believed that it was due to over stimulation. Over stimulation for a preemie can be caused by many things, noise, smells, touching, lights basically you name it. We are couched very heavily by the nurses, doctors, OT and PT about these things and many other issues. Choking, how to bring him out of a brady or apnea spell, how to deal with his many wires. Most visitors haven't and to be honest you don't want the stress of knowing that his little life could be in your hands.

So, I asked to be called before anyone visited him and explained why. I was told that this wasn't a problem and was actually a good idea. I fully expected to get a phone call before visits were made anymore. Well, there were visits made and an absence of a phone call. I was pretty mad. It isn't hard to pick up a phone and there are a hundred reason why he may not need visitors that particular day. I had already explained this once. I felt like not calling to ask if it was okay to visit was a blatant disregard for the health of my son. He may look perfectly healthy but he isn't. He has a compromised immune system, thin skin, hooked up to O2, MRSA blah blah.

So, I understand if there are people that are upset with me but put yourselves in my shoes. What would you do? How would you handle worrying every night and day if you might get a phone call that your son took a turn for the worse. What if you got that phone call and KNEW you could have done something to prevent it, something as simple as limiting visitor. So it is okay to be mad at me now because I promise you will thank me later when he is big and healthy and all the drama of the NICU is a distant memory.

Day #34

I finally called the ortho doctor to make the appointment to schedule my hip surgery. For those of you who don't know I was scheduled to have the surgery the week of Thanksgiving 08'. I found out I was pregnant the week before Thanksgiving. The surgery is to correct a problem I have developed from the previous surgery. I developed a bone growth on the outer and inner part of my hip. The extra bone has extremely limited my range of motion in that hip, actually to the point that it might be one the reason I went into labor early. My hips were unable to spread apart and the baby was unable to drop down. I can't tell you how hard it was for me to make this call. I have tossed up the idea of not having the surgery at all and Chris brought me back to reality and told me how much I needed it. So many things have ran through my mind...how long will it be before I can see Trey? if they MAKE me take pain meds can I pump?, I don't want my supply to drop off, Will they let me see him after major orthopedic surgery? How long before I can walk, UGGGGG My mind is racing in a million different directions. I have to believe that everything will be just fine but I don't have a lot of time to mentally adjust to the situation. My consult for the surgery is next week they will probley schedule the surgery the following week.

Trey is doing really well, no surprise there. They did try to cut his O2 back to 3liters but he starting brading again so they increased it back to 4liters and he is still gaing weight. So, another day has ended and we are another day closer to him coming home.

Day #33 Our first bath + Baby shower = great day!!

Taking care of my monkey


Opening presents

Cake topper

Winney the Pooh cake

Daddy cuddling Trey

Smile for the camera

Tiny hands

Today was the baby shower and it was great. I loved being able to spend time with my friends and family celebrating my son. Chris made a slide show CD with music and everything. Every time I watch it I cry. I told him that he is now obligated to make a CD for every baby we have. My MIL and SIL hosted the party and found the cutest cupcake cake. Of course, the theme was Winnie the Pooh and so was the cake. I really can't thank everyone enough for coming and supporting our family.

After the shower, we went to the hospital. When we got there they let us know that they cut Trey's O2 back to 3liters. I already knew that from speaking with the doctor earlier but seeing the number on the O2 meter makes me nervous. I am always afraid of pushing him to hard to fast but I have to have more faith in him and the doctors. So, the nurse asked us if had given him a bath and we had not so GUESS WHAT!!! We finally got to give him our first bath. He didn't like it very much but...I did!!! Then we weighed him and GUESS WHAT!!! he is over 4lbs now...to be exact 4lbs 1oz Whoot!!! He is doing so well, gaining weight all the time moving down on his O2. Everything in the right direction.

So, I am exhausted but this day has been wonderful. I am so blessed and very grateful for every good day, hour, minuet and second.