Day # 61

I can't beleive that I will finally have a baby home with me by the end of the month. It is hard to describe how anchious I am. I refuse to ask anyone when they think he will come home. I will know when I see the discharge nurse. I have looked at her picture many times since we began this journey and I will definatly know her when she comes by.

Trey is doing really well as usual and the fight has finally ended over what kind of nipple to bottle feed him with. I win...haha slow flow. He took a complete feed by breastfeeding today and it was great to finally have a good feeding secession with him again.

So, here are some 2mth pictures of Monkey, The nurses have placed a mirror in his bed and he LOVES it. When we got there he was just starring at himself. It was so cute.

Day #59 & # 60 2 months old today FINALLY over 6lbs

Yesterday, Trey got his two month shots and has been kinda sleepy since then. He is doing well and taking 2 bottles a day and the rest by his NG tube. I hate seeing him so sleepy and out of it but I have been told that every baby deals with shots in their own way and for him it might be sleeping it off. I weighed the decision to give him his shot pretty heavily. I spoke with several doctors and nurses. I wanted to vaccinate him but I wasn't sure if we should wait until he adjusted to 2mths old not his actual age, but we decided that when he comes home that it is best to have him vaccinated against as much as possible. Here are his stats for 1mth and 2 mth

1 months 3lbs 12Oz 16 1/2 inches long

3months 6lbs .5Oz 19 3/4 inches long

I am doing better then yesterday and even better then the day before that. I think the closer we get to Christopher's actual due date the more I morn the pregnancy and birth he and I should have had. I tell myself that he should still be inside me, safe. I feel like I have failed him and I don't even know why. We still have no clue why I delivered early and probably never will. I just wish I could have kept him safe longer. But he is doing very well and will be home by the end of this coming month and I can't wait.

Day #58 It's been a rough day

I feel so overwhelmed and stressed. To be very honest I am drained. I feel like a horrible mother and a wife right now. There isn't much logic to my emotions but that is how I feel. I hate having to use a walker and I am so sick of feeling like a burden to the people in my life. I hate that every day I wake up I am constantly reminded of the car accident and the day my life was forever changed because of one persons mistake and disregard for others. All I want is to be a happy new mommy and wife but I can't. I feel like I am living my life on pause and every time I begin to move past the terrible spot someone hits rewind and I am back in the thick of it again. I can't wait to start meds again...I know I really need them right now in order to see a ray of sunshine in this cloud that is covering my life. I really need to be out of this funk before Trey comes home. I need to be the best mommy I can be, he deserves it. I need to be the best wife I can be, Chris deserves it. I try so hard to be the best and I feel like I keep falling short...I keep trying. Maybe I put to much pressure on myself to be perfect. To have the cleanest house, most organized closets, to make straight a's in school. To be the best mother. To be the best wife. I don't know...I just need a break. I need my son to be healthy, my family to be happy and a few days with out any issues or drama. I just need a few peaceful days.

Day # 57

Trey is down to three-quarters of a liter on his O2 and is talking two bottles a day orally. Once I can breastfeed again he will take 2 bottles and 1 or 2 BFing sessions a day. I can't believe it but he is 5lbs 11.4 oz...WOW. I can't believe it but he will defiantly clear 6lbs when we get him home. Yippie.

So, my surgery went well much better then expected but my recovery time has gone from 10-12 days to 6-12 weeks. If I do as well as I usually do 6 weeks should be sufficient. I won't be able to drive for a while and I am going to speak with the doctor at my appointment to clear up exactly how long that will be. I have been placed on hip precautions. That means that I can't move my leg in a 90degree angle and I can't cross my leg or bring it across my chest. My flexibility is already better. I'm not in to much pain. I am more sore then anything. I have to use a walker..again but I am weight bearing as tolerated so hopefully in a few days I won't need it.

I do have to say that I am beyond stress out. Some people may not understand why but all the surgery and pain really takes a toll on my mind. I hate walking into the hospital. Every time I go there I think about the car accident or some aspect of it. I think about how my 9 months and a healthy baby were denied to me for some unknown reason. I try to put on a happy face and when I talk about the accident.I try to sound somewhat positive about it but the reality is that I am having a hard time dealing with that and Trey's early arrival. I was diagnosed with PTSD a very long time ago and for me it takes a very long time for things to hit me...and yes, it has taken almost 3 years for the gravity of the situation to hit me. To be honest I think Trey's coming early is what really made all this hit me. I feel like I have the worst luck. Who gets involved in such a bad accident and has a preemie. I don't think I can handle to much more. I just want a couple of years to be calm and uneventful. So, I got the thumbs up on taking some meds for all this crap and I still go to therapy. My goal is to deal with these issues and finally move forward with my life. It may take a while but one foot in front of the other and I will get there and become a better mommy and wife. So here is something a little more positive...sorry all.

here are the pictures I promised of Trey taking his first bottle

Day #55 & 56 8 weeks old, How fast we pass our milestones

Today was the day of my surgery. I was a nervous wreck on the way to the hospital. I feel like I have lost so much control over my life and it is driving me crazy. Chris and I got to the hospital at 5:15am so I could spend time with Trey before surgery. It is amazing how much he calms me down. Just the smell of him brings me to a place of peace. I didn't want to pick he up because he was peacefully sleeping. We took his 8 weeks old picture and off we went to surgery. I had to pump before we went back and I had Chris bring the milk to the NICU. I wanted them to have some fresh milk for him. I had a total of 25 fresh ounces for him.

The anaesthesia doctor's were talking to me about possibly needing a spinal or epi. That really freaked me out. More then anything I have been stressed about the recovery from this surgery and they were talking to me like I might be in pain that is so bad that I would need a nerve block. I opted not to have one unless I woke up and needed it.

When I woke up the pain was minimal at best. I basically felt like I hip checked a table really hard. I am so glad that it was as painful as they said it might have been. I woke up and pumped and waited for Chris. I was in recovery for a long time because they had me in a semi-private room and my nurse wanted me in a private room because of my need to pump. Chris got there and the NICU nurses had taken a picture of him holding Trey for me to keep while I was away from him. They are so sweet and awesome..I love the NICU nurses they are amazing.

I got wheeled to my room and when my nurse came in she had an envelope that had a picture of Trey glued to a piece of paper that said "Trey...says get well mommy" I started balling. That was such a sweet thing to do. Chris left to go feed Trey another bottle. He called me later and told me that Trey took his whole feed orally...CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!! I felt a little sad because I wasn't there but I was still so happy that he took a whole feed. He is such an amazing little boy. I miss him already.

So, the doctor took a little longer to do my surgery but the out look has improved. He was able to remove bone from the round ball part of my hip and the inner part and he told Chris that my mobility and flexibility has increased a ton. So, that is great. I haven't been able to put weight on it yet but hopefully tomorrow. It doesn't hurt to bad it is just is too weak. With any luck I will be discharged tomorrow and I promised that I wouldn't push myself to hard. Due to the fact that they removed all the hardware and all the extra bone I am on limited movement restriction. They don't want me to pop it out of place. So, for once in my life I will actually listen to the doctors and my husband....taking it SSSLLLOOOOWWW. I want to be in tip top shape for my little monkey.

Tomorrow or the day after I will have 8week pictures of Trey and pictures of him taking his first bottle. TTYL

Day #53 & 54 Doing beyond great!!!

Things in the life of Chris, Nola, Trey, Tango and Tigger have been going GREAT!!! Our 2x's a day feeding have been going great and I am sad to have to stop for surgery. So, tomorrow will be our last time for a few days. I can't describe how good it feels to feed him...ahh the little things.

Today, I told Chris I can't believe that Trey will be 8weeks old on Tuesday. We are finally in the home stretch of Trey coming home. WOW!!! At the latest he will be home in 4 weeks from Tuesday. So, here is the list of things he needs/needed to do before he comes home

* poo and pee
* maintain his own body temperature
* take all his feeds orally
* while taking his feeds only orally, needs to gain weight for 5 days consecutively
* breathing on his own
* No A & B episodes for 5 days

The items in RED have already been done..It may seem like a lot but really some of them really go hand in hand..The hardest part will be no A&B's seeing he like to bear down really hard when he goes to the bathroom and stops breathing which stops the fast pace of his heart. The weight part is a peace of cake.

So, Tuesday I have surgery on my hip...again UGGG!!! This time they will be removing the plates and hardware and removing the excess bone and rounding out the ball part of my hip..I should be in the hospital for 1night and they want me to start walking that night, and that is great because I hate just lying around. I am way too high strung for that. Anywhoo, more on that during my hospital stay..

So, Trey is great, Life is good and that is all folks!!

Day #52 Yeah!!! We did it!!!

Oh, I can't begin to tell you all how great my day has been. Trey is on 1ltr of O2 and hasn't had a single A&B in two days. But let's get to the really GREAT part of the day....

So, I woke up this morning and it was B-day (breast feeding day). I wanted to relax myself as much as possible so I went and got a haircut because it always makes me feel better. I couldn't eat all day so I just kept hydrated. The doctor called and spoke with me while I was getting my hair cut and let me know how well Trey was doing and that they were going to bring him down to 1ltrs. I asked her why they didn't want to do 1 1/2 and she said that his nurses and all the doctors, respiratory included, just thought he was ready. She said that he was totally ready to be put to the breast but not to expect too much. He just might not get it or have trouble latching on. Honestly, from all that I have read on preemies and breast feeding I fully expected a list of issues. Fast forward to 1pm.....

I got to the hospital, boppy in hand. When I got to D-pod Trey was wide awake and very hungry. He was rooting around and trying to suck on his blankets LOL...so, I went to pump. We decided that because he might choke that I needed to get the larger part of the milk out...but...there was at least 1-2 oz left. So, I got all ready sat down and the LC came over. She started talking to me about how they score how well they do and BLAH BLAH. I sorta just tuned her out and I saw Treys mouth open really wide put him near my chest and he latched right on!!! He looked at me kinda crazy at first like "humm, what is this...ummm...kinda different" then he just began to suck like crazy...Let me correct that last statement...He sucked for 8-10 good burst then swallowed and YEP breathed....YESSS!!! He kept up like that for about 15 minutes. He had the sweetest happiest look on his face and I breathed a sigh of deep relif. He got it, right out of the gate. I kept repeating to myself...he got it, OMG he got it. It was just wonderful to see the light bulb pop on above his head. I really had a mommie moment and it was wonderful...I just did the most natural and best thing ever for my little boy, I fed him, Me !!! Not a tube in his belly but me!!!

So, they started his feed though his tube and he kinda fell off and rolled to his back. I thought he was done and he would get a really full belly and fall asleep boy was I wrong. I snapped my bra and he took notice and got pretty mad about it. He began to root around again. The nurse told me to just comfort him and hold him close. He started licking my shirt and trying to latch on to my tank top. I tried to give him his nuk and he was PISSED...he made a horrible face and looked at me like "WTF mom...I had the good stuff now you want to give me this...NOT!!!" he fussed and fussed but I couldn't latch him back on because we still have to monitor how much he gets and too much could make him kinda sick..Finally, he fussed his self to sleep and I they said he did so well that they would like to try 2x a day until my surgery and then again once I am better. So we will do 2x a day today, Saturday, Sunday, Monday then start back hopefully Thursday or Friday.

Chris and I went up at 7:30 and I got to feed him again...He was a little tired from earlier but he still latched on really well and fed for about 10 minutes. Then he got really really sleepy and pass out peacefully in my arms. I think it sucks for Chris because I get to hold him all the time right now but it will all be worth it when he gets to come home and he can hold him whenever he wants.

Day # 50-51 Big day tomorrow

Wednesday morning Trey's doctor called to let me know they were taking him off of continuous feeds and starting him on bolus feeds today. I was really happy. They decided that the caffeine is out of his system and his reflux has began to resolve it's self. Soon after speaking with the doctor the phone rang again. This time it was the LC from the hospital. She asked me if I was ready to put Trey to the breast for the first time. I didn't know what to say at first. I was speechless. I felt like this day was never going to come and here it was. So, tomorrow will be the first time we put him to the breast. They are going to have me pump first and then gavage feed him while he suckles.

I am so nervous. My mind has been racing since I got the news. I thought 7 weeks ago that I would be so much more happy about this day but I am more scared then anything. I have an over-active letdown and I am scared that he will choke. I am afraid that he won't like it or that I won't know what to do. Most of this "mom" thing has been very instinctive to me but now I feel like the things that should come naturally may not. I am such a control freak that the news of any change good or bad makes me flip out, including this. So, I have the boppy pillow ready to go along with some snack, water and my patience. I have been told many times that he may not get it right away but to be patient and don't give up....So, that is what I will do.

Tracy, Trey's regular night nurse and I decided to put him in a swing chair for the first time. Trey loves to just look around at the world around him and we thought that it would give him a different perspective. I wasn't there for the first time because it was at 1am ( that is one of his most awake times of day.... YEAH =( ) but the next day Chris and I put him in the chair and he LOVED it. It was great to see him more like a real baby. He just sucked on his nuk and looked around.

He has such a great personality and disposition. He is so relaxed although you wouldn't know by the ultra concerned look he always has on his face. He only cries when he wants something and once you figure out what it is he stops. He LOVES his nuk and sucks on it all the time and he loves that swing chair..Thank God I have one at home...so here are some pictures of him in the swing chair and more updates on tomorrows trial run later.

Day #49 7 weeks old today..what a difference 49 days makes

less then 1week old / 2weeks old 2lbs 10oz / 7weeks old 5lbs 3oz

Wow, what a difference a couple of weeks makes. I can't believe all the changes he has had. Just wanted to share...

Well, not much has been going on with Trey his is still hanging out getting bigger everyday. His O2 is still set at 2ltrs at room air. Today, he had his first eye exam to check for ROP and they didn't find anything and he had his follow up head ultrasound. They found that his possible grade 1 IVH had healed it's self..So, good news all around. They want to take him off continues feeds soon and soon after that he will be taking his first bottle..SO EXCITED...actually they want him to try breast feeding first then the bottle but anywho..still exciting..

I have surgery next Tuesday on my hip and I am pretty nervous about it but it has to be done. The doctor decided that he wants to take out the plates in my hip along with removing the extra bone growth...Yippe...NOT!!!

Also, I have to say I am sorry for the lack of updates but...I have developed a very serious addiction............to FARMTOWN!!!! It's an app on Facebook and it has taken over my life...All you do is plant and harvest crops and yet I am super hooked and so are all my friends and Chris. We play it all the time. We sit in the house and IM each other all night...LOL

Anyways, more update later if my harvesting schedule allows...

Day # 44-48 He's a big boy now

I haven't posted lately just because there hasn't been much going on. Trey was down to 1 1/2 ltrs on his O2 for like one day then they moved him back to 2ltrs...Oh, well...I told them to give him 48hrs every step down..all in all he is still doing very well

and .... guess what....

YEP 5LBS 1Oz...WHOOT WHOOT....I can't believe it..he is so big..well..to me he is. LOL

No more preemie clothes for my little monkey.

Day #43 Ode to Ice Cream

Ahhh, Ben and Jerry my new favorite people...My ode to Ben and Jerry...How awesome you are. creating the best ice cream in the world. Oh, how I love your many flavors and how they replace the stress in my life with yummy goodness. If I wasn't already married and if it was possible to live in polygamy with ice cream, I would marry you all..."mission to marzipan", "strawberry cheesecake" and I would never leave you out "everything but the kitchen sink"...I love you all!!

Okay, so I have officially lost it and that okay...As I sit here devouring my nightly pint of ice cream I am actually relaxed and calm. For the first time in 43 day I feel relaxed and I can't tell you why...I just am, and if it last for only 30 more seconds I will still be just that thankful for it.

What has gone on today...Ummm...lets see...Trey is down to 3l on his O2 and they did his follow up head ultrasound today...result should be tomorrow..He is still gaining and we are coming close to the 5lb mark...whoot whoot!!

Oh...and how could I forget...I got hit on by a 15 year old boy at the drive thru at McDonalds...WTF...As he gazed at my comically large boobs he leaned out the window said some things and to that I replied...I am someones mother and I am married...Wow, will my son be this preoccupied with boobs one day...OH GOD!!! I can't think about it...Actually, he is already...while I was holding him today he decided to lift his head up (which I though he wasn't suppose to be able to do already) look around then face plant himself in between my boobs. I tried several time to move him so he could breath..I mean come on one of these babies is 2x the size of his head, but he kept repeating the same maneuver. Lift head, face plant....lift head, face plant...oh, well...thats enough about my boobs...Good Night...

Day #42 6 weeks old today!!!

They have began to wean Trey's O2 back...again. He is on regular room air as far as oxygen percentage goes but he has been on 4l of pressure. They brought him down to 3l today. The doctors also let me know that they are doing his 6wk follow-up head ultrasound on Thursday. They tell me not to worry...but are you serious...that is what I do LOL ;) So, big changes coming up. I can feel it...all good things but big changes.

Here is my gripe for the day...One of the nurses asked me how I would feel about him coming home on oxygen. Now, to the average mom this would not be a big deal...Just a question a simple comment but to me....well....now I am freaking out. I promised myself to try to stay calm until tomorrow and speak with the doctor about how they feel about that comment.

So, on to more positive stuff...Our little monkey, or should I say...CHUNKY MONKEY!!! is 6 weeks old today, all 4lbs 12 oz of him...WOW, every week that passes by finds me more in love with him..It is just amazing how deeply I love that little guy :)

Dear Christopher,

Six weeks ago today you were born. I have to say it was a bit of a surprise. You were not due to come for 12 weeks but you had other plans. You arrived in a hurry too, your delivery only took 2 hours. Every week, I watch you grow and get bigger. I can't wait for the day that we can bring you home. I want you to know how very much you are loved by your daddy and me. To be honest I don't think we ever loved someone more then you. I know it may be hard to believe but I fell in love with you the second I saw you and heard your first little cry. So, here is to you son and your first 6weeks in this world...

Love you so much, Monkey

Mom

Day #41 It's offical he is double his birth weight

Yessss our 4lbs 11Oz picture


Wow, I can't believe it. Trey has officially doubled his birth weight plus 1 ounce. 4lbs 11oz....yessss!!! I can remember the day that we came home from the hospital and I pulled up the grams to pounds conversion website and I calculated how much he weighed. I kept adding numbers even though I knew that 30 grams is an ounce I just needed to see the number. I didn't think we would ever get there...It seemed like such a large number 2098...I kept saying it over and over 2098.2098...2098. Guess what he is 2129. He is so much bigger then he was at birth. He has a roll on his neck LOL!!! and fat little arms and legs. Tomorrow, they are going to cut his O2 back to 3L from 4L. I am sure I will be a wreck until I know he is doing well but I will worry about that tomorrow and be happy for today.

Day #40

Trey is so close to doubling his birth weight. Today he weighed at 4lbs 9.5 ounces. Hopefully, tomorrow I will be able to say that he has officially double...He is so close.

I can't wait to bring him home...I know that I have said that like a million times since this has all started but it finally is starting to feel like it will happen soon. And, by soon I mean 4-6 weeks. I know that seem like a long time but really it isn't, at least it isn't when you look at it from a milestone prospective. He still needs to be off of the O2 and learn to eat. But for now, I will just love every moment I get with him. I really love just holding him, changing his diaper, listening to him breath and coo, and smelling him. I have to say he smells great...I know that sounds funny but he does. I just kiss him and snuggle him and I just love it. I have to say, even though this situation really sucks, I LOVE being a mom.

Day #38 & #39 Good advice

I haven't blogged lately. Not much has been going on with Trey but I have kinda been keeping myself busy trying to organize the nursery. Today, Chris and I went to a friends wedding and I have to say that it felt great to put make up on and get dressed up. Seeing our friends so happy on their wedding day really lifted my spirts. It brought me back to our wedding day and how happy I was. The priest gave little tid bits of advice and two pieces really struck me. One was about coincidences and how nothing is a coincidence. The other was when he said that the marriage and a relationship between two people must always take precedence over all, even children. He said that when the marriage takes 1st place that it will always benefit the family and how important it is for children to see their parents together and happy. I need to make this more a priority, especially right now with all that is going on. Chris had mentioned on the way to the hospital that all we do is eat, sleep, work, and go to the hospital. He said that he wanted to go to the movies. I have to be honest I really didn't want to go. I was tired and preoccupied with finishing the nursery. My girlfriend texted me and asked me to go to the movies. So, we went and I have to say we really needed it. It was great to spend time with another couple and just laugh and have a good time. Coincidence....I think not...God knew we needed it and it will make me a better mom tomorrow.

Day #37 My first day away

So, after my 12 hr day at the NICU the nurses begged me to take one day away from the NICU. I have succeeded but I haven't been able to relax and just sit. I have called the NICU a bunch of times and now I just feel guilty. I feel like they are doing so much and I need to be there, who am I to take a day while my son is in the hospital. So, I busy myself. Chris and I went to BRU and completed the registry so now I can finish the nursery.

So anyways, they took Trey off of the antibiotics and removed his IV. Of course, his blood work all came back fine. So, now the doctors agree with the nurses and me. Refux...big freakin' surprise. They don't want to put him on meds for reflux because they increase NEC. We defiantly don't want that. So, they feel that it is a prematurity issue and he will grow out of it. We shall see.

Day #36 Looks like a long night at the NICU

I am sitting here looking at Trey tying to hold back my tears. I got a phone call at 7:30am from the resident doctor telling me that they had decided to start Trey on antibiotics, again. He had a couple of bradies that were difficult to get him out of. The doctors and the nurses have different perspectives on why his bradies are increasing. The nurses feel that it is due to reflux and nothing needs to be done. They feel that it is a prematurity issue and he will grow out of it. The doctors agree but are afraid that he might have a infection they haven't picked up. The problem being that if he has an infection that it can quickly get out of control. So, the doctors would rather treat him for nothing then have a bigger more serious problem later. Then there is my feelings on the issue. I agree with the nurses but I also don't want him to get an infection. I don't think he has an infection at all but I understand the gravity of the situation. I am also fully aware of the side effects from the antibiotics. Hearing loss being one of them. The reason hearing loss seems more serious to me is because it is more difficult to detect then the other potential problems.

Anyways, here I sit watching him with an IV sticking out of the top of his head. Again, I am hoping that the doctors, nurses and I have made the best decision for Trey. He has been though so much. When is he going to catch a break. I guess I have to try to think positive. Who knows, the antibiotics might do the trick and he might come off the O2 soon and then I will be able to start feeding him soon.

IDK, just keep him in your prayers please.

Day #35 5 Weeks Old TODAY!!!

Sleepy

YEAH!!! 5 weeks

loves his nuk

Awww, daddy loves his little man

Yeah, Our monkey is 5 weeks old today. I can't believe it, wow 5 weeks. He weighed in at 4lbs 4oz tonight. I can't believe that he has nearly doubled his weight. He is getting so big.

Today, the OT lady came to give him a eval. She said that he is doing really well. He has a strong suck reflex and his muscle tone and flexsion is great. Whew!!! Who am I kidding I wasn't worried at all, he is AWESOME!!!! Trey has a fighting spirt just like his mommie. No matter how tough thing look for us we will over come it with a smile on our faces.

So, as some know and others may not Trey is not having any visitors except for Chris and I right now. I am sure that this decision has made some people upset but I have to be honest I am not sorry. The doctors and I came to a decision that we felt was best for my son and that is my job as a parent. To make the best decisions for my son. At-any-rate, I am choosing to explain our decision here so that I can calmly explain myself in a organized manner.

1st and foremost my sons health is at the top of my priority list right now. The doctors were afraid that he was being exposed to too many people. Trey had a bad day where he had 16 brady episodes. The doctors didn't know if they were due to over stimulation or an infection. They have to expect the worse because an infection can kill a preemie in a matter of hours. So, Trey had to be put on 5 days of antibiotics for the MRSA and he was given blood. The decision to place a preemie on antibiotics cannot be taken lightly. The potential side effect can range from organ failure to hearing loss to sepsis. So, they mentioned to me to limit visitors in the hope of limiting his exposure to possible infections. I decided that instead of telling people not to visit that I would ask for people to call me first to make sure it was okay on the perticular day. During this conversation with the doctors they also discussed over stimulation.

It was brought to my attention that there were times when he had visitors and he began to brady afterwards. They believed that it was due to over stimulation. Over stimulation for a preemie can be caused by many things, noise, smells, touching, lights basically you name it. We are couched very heavily by the nurses, doctors, OT and PT about these things and many other issues. Choking, how to bring him out of a brady or apnea spell, how to deal with his many wires. Most visitors haven't and to be honest you don't want the stress of knowing that his little life could be in your hands.

So, I asked to be called before anyone visited him and explained why. I was told that this wasn't a problem and was actually a good idea. I fully expected to get a phone call before visits were made anymore. Well, there were visits made and an absence of a phone call. I was pretty mad. It isn't hard to pick up a phone and there are a hundred reason why he may not need visitors that particular day. I had already explained this once. I felt like not calling to ask if it was okay to visit was a blatant disregard for the health of my son. He may look perfectly healthy but he isn't. He has a compromised immune system, thin skin, hooked up to O2, MRSA blah blah.

So, I understand if there are people that are upset with me but put yourselves in my shoes. What would you do? How would you handle worrying every night and day if you might get a phone call that your son took a turn for the worse. What if you got that phone call and KNEW you could have done something to prevent it, something as simple as limiting visitor. So it is okay to be mad at me now because I promise you will thank me later when he is big and healthy and all the drama of the NICU is a distant memory.

Day #34

I finally called the ortho doctor to make the appointment to schedule my hip surgery. For those of you who don't know I was scheduled to have the surgery the week of Thanksgiving 08'. I found out I was pregnant the week before Thanksgiving. The surgery is to correct a problem I have developed from the previous surgery. I developed a bone growth on the outer and inner part of my hip. The extra bone has extremely limited my range of motion in that hip, actually to the point that it might be one the reason I went into labor early. My hips were unable to spread apart and the baby was unable to drop down. I can't tell you how hard it was for me to make this call. I have tossed up the idea of not having the surgery at all and Chris brought me back to reality and told me how much I needed it. So many things have ran through my mind...how long will it be before I can see Trey? if they MAKE me take pain meds can I pump?, I don't want my supply to drop off, Will they let me see him after major orthopedic surgery? How long before I can walk, UGGGGG My mind is racing in a million different directions. I have to believe that everything will be just fine but I don't have a lot of time to mentally adjust to the situation. My consult for the surgery is next week they will probley schedule the surgery the following week.

Trey is doing really well, no surprise there. They did try to cut his O2 back to 3liters but he starting brading again so they increased it back to 4liters and he is still gaing weight. So, another day has ended and we are another day closer to him coming home.