Today, was surgery day for Trey's Strabismus

Stamismus is a common disorder of the eye where one or more of the six muscles of the eye are not working properly. This causes they eyes to not be symmetrical and requires surgery to correct. Here is a website that explains some common eye disorder and some information on them http://www.allaboutvision.com/ ( It's under Children's Vision )

So, Trey had surgery today and while the surgery alone was stressful there was an additional component that made it a bit harder for me. Today is also the same day one year ago that we brought him home from the hospital. I haven't shared that with anyone yet, not even Chris. I have been having flashes in my head of what he looked like in the NICU one year ago. My tiny barely 2 pound baby. I remember how thankful I for every second God allowed me to watch him breath and be with him for just one more second. I remember how hopeless and scared I was. I remember how lost and out of control I felt and today I relieved all those emotions again. Bringing him to the hospital the same day one year ago that I brought him home last year made me feel like I was tempting fate and I was terrified that I wouldn't be walking back out the doors with him. I stayed up all night long cleaning because I was sure that there was some germ or piece of dust that was going to irritate his eyes so I cleaned the vents, dusted, did laundry, cleaned the floors, packed the diaper bag and cried. I feel like I let him down by having him early and now I couldn't protect him, again. Once they put him to sleep it was in God's hands, not mine. I had no control.

Once at the hospital Trey was greeted with the usual Oohs and Ahas and "oh he is such a happy baby" " Oh, he is too cute " " what color are his eyes, beautiful! ( BTW he really sucks this up and LOVES the ladies ) We checked in and I could think about was how germy hospitals were and that I had to go to the restroom. We got to our room and I changed Trey in to his hospital gown ( yep I have picts ) and we did all the pre surgery consents and questioning. The whole time the doctors kept telling Chris and I how healthy he was even though his is only 2o lbs = 0% on the weight chart and 29 inches long =42% on the height chart and they were surprised because when you look at his stats and stuff on paper it look a bit ominous. You could actually see the relief on their faces after they saw him.

They let me hold him while they put him to sleep by using a gas mask. They thought it would be a struggle but when they gave him the first gas ( nitrous "laughing gas") he was perfectly content licking the inside of the mask and once it hit him his already smiley face became even more smiley and he had the funniest " I am messed " up smile on his face. He giggled a few times then they turned on the sleeping gas and he giggled some more and with a smile on his face fell peacefully asleep. When I helped place him on the table he still was smiling, but I felt like I placed my heart and soul on that table and allowed them to walk away with it. We walked out to the waiting area and I started crying but I held it off long enough to get to a bathroom. Once I got in the stall I sobbed for a good 5 minutes fixed my make-up and walked back out to Chris to wait.

About and hour and a half later they called our name and about 10-15 minutes later they brought me back to my baby. His eyes were a bit swollen but he was still sleeping so they were closed and I couldn't see much. They let me pick him up and he began to cry because he seemed confused that when he went to sleep he felt great and now he wasn't feeling so hot. After a few minutes, his cry changed tone and I asked the nurse if she could give him something because he was getting uncomfortable. She did and I just held him and sang the "Johnny Appleseed Song" to him. The words go like this....The Lord is good to me and so I thank the Lord. For giving me the things I need like the sun and the rain and my little baby baby the Lord is good to me "

Now, Trey and Chris are sleeping peacefully in the bedroom. One is sleeping off the meds and the other is sleeping off the stress and I am blogging. Tomorrow I will post picts of his eyes. The nurse said they will be a bit bruised but I want to document this for him.